If You Tell Me About What I Did Last Night, You’re An Asshole


I’m happy to admit I’ve made my fair share of questionable blackout choices. Whether it’s a guy I slept with, a table I danced on, or a drunk text I sent that was a little too honest, I’ve done it all. The good part is, I’m confident enough in myself to forget my alcohol-induced actions and move on. There’s no need to dwell on something silly that can’t be changed. What I can’t deal with, however, is a bystander from that evening telling their ridiculous, over-dramatic version of the tale. That shit lights me up.

For some reason, certain people get off on extravagantly telling stories, which is all fine and dandy until your actions are the topic. These narrators will take something as simple as you making out with a 6 on the dance floor and turn it into you basically hitting second base with the “ugliest dude ever.” Give. Me. A. Break. Even hammered, we all have standards. Fairly confidently you could tell her that’s not what happened, but no one’s going to trust the perpetrator. You can choose to defend your ground and come off as guilty or walk away and still essentially hand in the towel.

I personally love when I hear a story of my night out from two different people and the scenarios couldn’t be any more different.. From one side of the room you hear that you were flirting with that cute boy from bio and really hitting it off. From the other side you hear that you were all over him and really creeping him out. If your memory was in and out that night, who do you trust? Your only choice is to hit the guy up or be forever unsure, so obviously you’re forever unsure.

The worst part is, these storytellers are always the “innocent” ones who have nothing you can throw back at them. You just have to sit there with your puppy dog eyes and take it. Since they never have to be in your shoes, they don’t know how humiliating it can sometimes feel. So what I flirt with the entire basketball team everything I’m drunk? I’m still a good person and there could be far worse things that happened, sweetie!

My whole life I’ve suffered as the victim to these games and I won’t stand for it any longer. If you’re the spectator as one of your friends maybe or maybe not embarrasses herself while out on the town, go easy on her. Sometimes the blurry memory from the night is enough to bear. No one needs their friends to rub the shame all over their face. For the sake of well-being and self-esteem, go light on the details and only share the questionable things if they’re truly important for safety or reputation purposes. Otherwise, when helping someone relive their debatable night, less is always more.

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Blackout_B (@b_m4rie) enjoys drinking beer by the gallon and making memories she'll never actually remember. When she isn't embarrassing herself by making out with randos on the dance floor, you can find her pretending it's normal to drink a glass of wine with breakfast every day. It's fun to sit down with her on Sunday mornings and hear how fucked up her weekend was.

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