If You Send A Girl To Target


If you send a girl to Target, she’s only going in for one thing.
And that’s it. Really.

But first, she has to walk by the Starbucks in the front of the store.
And she’s going to want a venti iced skinny mocha chai with a thousand pumps of caramel to tote around with her while she shops.

When she starts drinking her venti iced skinny mocha chai with enough caramel in it to trigger a diabetic coma, she’s going to start to feel guilty.
So she’s going to go get two three-pound weights, a yoga mat, and a stability ball.

When she thinks about the how fit she’s going to get (#fitspo #fitfam), she’s going to want to show off all her hard work.
So she’s going to find new bikini tops and mismatched bottoms – mostly neon, one flag print.

While she’s shopping for new bikinis, she’s going to convince herself that she needs new jean shorts.
So she’s going to inadvertently purchase an entire new wardrobe to go with them.

When she realizes what she’s done, she’s going to take a moment to reflect on her life decisions.
And she’ll probably come to the conclusion that she’s going to need new shoes to go with everything.

After she has finished spending her inheritance on sandals, she’s going to need a new statement necklace.
And she’s going to have to Snapchat all the options to her friends for validation.

She’s going to try to walk away — just get out while she can still afford to breathe.
But when she does, she’s going to see the new seasonal Essie colors at the end of the aisle and remain trapped in the store.

Seeing all the fresh new colors is going to put her in the mood to craft.
So she’s going to search the store on her mission to find her body weight in glitter.

And if she’s going to spend the night crafting, she’s going to need a movie to go with it.
So she’ll go to the front of the store to find the latest Nicholas Sparks movie that has yet to destroy what’s left our her soul after watching The Fault In Our Stars last year.

If she gets a movie, she’s going to need some snacks.
And that will remind her of the real reason she came to Target in the first place…


Image via ValeStock / Shutterstock

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My state gave you J. Law, Clooney, two-fifths of the Backstreet Boys, and multiple fifths of bourbon. The SEC is better, Beyoncé is my Jesus, and one time I wrote a cover letter using Brian McKnight lyrics. Psuedo-adult by day; PGP, TFM, and TSM contributor by night. Please don't ask me to do math.

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