A few weeks ago, I was scrolling mindlessly through Netflix trying to figure out what to watch. I had watched all of the good, i.e. not corny, movies and binge watched all of the T.V. shows available. Quite honestly, I was in distress. What was I going to do with myself for the next few weeks before all of my friends finally came home from school? Family time wasn’t looking ideal and the thought of doing any kind of activity that required me to get off the couch for any length of time made me want to vomit. I was on vacation goddammit and I was going to spend it eating my way through my parents kitchen and binge watching as much T.V. as my eyes could handle.
Close to tears, my mouse hovered above the big red X in the corner of my computer, ready to dash all of my dreams of being a lazy bum. My eyes scanned the page once more when two familiar faces stopped me. There, staring back at me, were Derek and Meredith Grey, my saviors. I had already watched every episode in every season at least four times but that didn’t stop me from clicking play and starting from the beginning again. With each new medical case and each new steamy hookup, I remembered why I loved the show so damn much. I noticed something different this time around, though. I recognized conversations and situations, not because I remembered the show by heart, but because they reminded me of my own sorority sisters lives. It dawned on me that my beloved Grey’s characters were actually Greek men and women in disguise. The sex, the drama, the endless one-liners that perfectly described a specific person I knew.
It didn’t take long for me to categorize each person. And so, here I present to you the Grey’s Anatomy cast, labeled as their Greek counterparts. Warning: due to the sheer number of characters, I’ll be picking long-standing characters and my own personal favorites.
Callie Torres – Badass with a Heart of Gold
Whether this person is a girl from your sorority or a guy in a fraternity you’re particularly close to, this person is the personification of badass. They’re always up for an adventure where they normally perform feats that others cannot. Callie, being the ortho-god that she is, breaks bones and literally pieces people back for a living. Don’t try and tell me that’s not fucking cool because it is. One of her other many redeeming qualities is her heart of gold. She would literally walk through fire for the people she cares about, just like that certain real life person you know. These people are to be cherished and feared.
Chief Webber – Token Old Timer
He is full of wisdom and guidance and isn’t afraid to lay down the law. He’ll praise you for good actions and tear you apart if you even dare to mess with his hospital. In the Greek realm, this person is either the oldest senior or more likely, a fifth-year. They’ve been with the organization from the beginning and understand how things have to run to keep everything afloat. If you don’t respect this person, you’re an idiot because regardless of whether you believe it or not, they can make or break your time in the sorority/fraternity. They also know how to have one hell of time, so pay attention to what they have to say.
Mark Sloan – Fuckboy
There is no better title for our silver-haired fox. Know that when I use the term fuckboy, I use it endearingly. Sloan wants nothing more than to nail anything that moves and look pretty doing it. If he’s not chasing tail, he’s either sulking about Lexi Grey or busy drinking away his feelings. Like most fuckboys, he tries his best to form no real connection with anyone. Of course we all know he was doomed to fail the moment he met Little Grey but A+ for trying. He grew out of this title eventually but watching him doing so at a painstakingly slow pace made the drama that much better to watch.
Cristina Yang – Lush/Lightweight
You might think I’d peg her as the try-hard or the bookworm but for me, Cristina is at her best when she’s guzzling down shots and shaking her ass. By day she is top dog. She practically owns the hospital and everyone in it. Don’t even try to compete with her; you’ll lose and you’ll lose hard. Cristina has a weakness though, and it comes in the form of booze. Case in point: season seven, episode nine (don’t judge me, this show is my life), Cristina becomes a bartender for the night. Not even three shots in and she’s giving lap dances to a group of guys. There was also the time she and Meredith got plastered during a softball game and picked a fight with Bailey. No matter the situation, Cristina finds a way to keep her lush status while kicking everyone else’s asses in the operating room.
Miranda Bailey – Cranky Senior
Every chapter has one or two. They’ve been around the block more times than you can count and don’t put up with anyone’s shit. If there’s one person you don’t want to piss off, it’s this person. Make sure you’re on their good side because you might just need them to bail you out of hot water one day and there’s no telling what they’ll decide.
Derek Shepherd – Frat Star/Golden Boy
Derek is the fraternity man all pledges aspire to be. He has the good looks, the amazing talent, the titles, and of course, the perfect girlfriend. Be it his perfect smile or drop-dead sexy hair, Derek has it made (for the most part) and knows he’s the best. His confidence levels are through the roof, giving him that easy-going yet suave personality that girls love and guys envy. Sure, he has his ups and downs but who doesn’t? All in all, he’s the perfect guy.
Meredith Grey – The Legacy
Her mother ruled the roost when she was an active sister (surgeon) and now everyone expects Meredith to do the same. Her name is always the first to be noticed but don’t let that fool you. This girl can hold her own and brings something special to the table. It’s difficult not to like her, try as you might. She doesn’t use her last name as an excuse or bargaining chip and she’s genuinely good at her job. Flaws are hard to come by so you might as well give up and make friends with her. She’s a good person to have on your team.
Excuse me while I go watch the T.V. show version of my wannabe life..