One night, my friend and I were getting ready for a frat’s ~lingerie~ mixer. Since we were both in long term relationships (but mostly because we had eaten at the mall food court that day), we decided that it would be for the best if we went ‘modestly’ in Victoria Secret slips. It was definitely not an outfit I would be showing my mother pictures of, however, the look bordered on conservative compared to some of the stuff other girls were wearing.
My friend’s boyfriend was understandably less than happy when he heard the theme of that night’s mixer. My friend Facetimed him before the party, to show him that she wasn’t going in a thong (it happened), and promised to phone him when she got home. The two of them compromised on the decision that she would even wear a silk robe on top. Meanwhile, my boyfriend played video games with friends, laughing about how I was going to a party in lingerie with not even a hint of jealousy in his voice. I could’ve told him that I was wearing a bustier and a thong and he wouldn’t have given it a second thought. He’s just not the jealous type.
I am the complete opposite of my boyfriend. I despise the other girls that he’s been with, and mildly despise a lot of others for pretty unnecessary reasons. At times, I hate being as jealous as I am. I can’t help but fixate and cross-examine him on the girl who always asks for notes from him, even though he completely dismisses it (my roommate told me that its ‘normal’ for lab parters to do this, and to stop being a crazy bitch).
I hate to sound like one of those mushy girls who humble brags about her boyfriend, but he’s pretty awesome. He tells he loves me and he would never risk messing up what we have by cheating on me, and he trusts that I feel the same way (which I do). It’s actually freakish how much he trusts me and how much faith he puts into our relationship. Even my mom has admitted to me how surprised is to see such a loyal 21-year-old guy. Loyal, like a golden retriever.
The problem is that sometimes I don’t want a golden retriever. Sometimes I want a pitbull, who, at the very least, is going to snarl at a few other guys.
One night at a bar, a decently attractive guy was relentlessly trying to talk to me. My boyfriend stood idly by until I specifically pointed out the dude trying to get at me. When I confronted him about it later, he said that he would have intervened sooner, but that he “was just proud that he was dating a girl that other guys found hot” and “didn’t want to seem like a douche.”
My friend vouched for him, saying that he was being ‘so sweet,’ which I immediately took as a hint that she might have a thing for him.
I’m conflicted. Obviously, I want a sweet boyfriend, but I know that if he were to ever tell me I wasn’t allowed to go to frat parties, or hang out with my guy friends, I would immediately dump him. But there is something undeniably sexy about a guy who’s at least a little bit protective over you.
I know the grass is always greener on the other side. It’s a horrible cliche, but it does hold some truth. Right now, my boyfriend is on one extreme of the jealously spectrum. He never asks me who I’m texting, has no problem with my late night marathon phone calls with my guy best friend from high school, and sees the amount of effort and prepping that I put into getting ready for a themed mixer as endearing. On the other end of the spectrum, a normal guy wouldn’t be okay with his girlfriend doing ANY of those things.
Maybe it’s too much to ask for, but I would love if he fell somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. I would love for him to whine at me to not show as much cleavage at a party, or take inspiration from me and once in a while throw around a passive aggressive jealous comment.
Or maybe I just need to shut the hell up and thank my lucky stars that my boyfriend is a better person than I am..