Families, whether they’re biological or not, are kind of like fudge: mostly sweet, with a few nuts. Big/Little season and reveal is one of the best times of the year for sorority girls. Anxious prospective Littles go on coffee and fro-yo dates with prospective Bigs, and many start dreaming of throwing 1-2-3s with their new family the night of reveal. But what happens when your family is less than what you imagined?
I know that I fell in love with my birth Big from the minute we sat down for burgers and milkshakes and I discovered that I had once danced on and made out with her really cool ex-boyfriend at a frat party two years earlier, and we compared our experiences with him. Weird, I know, but I felt that the mutual connection we had in him had laid a foundation for a great Big/Little relationship.
The relationship began to deteriorate almost as quickly as it had started. We talked less and less, and things went from bad to worse real fuckin’ quick. My Big and I stopped talking. I was disappointed and sad about my family’s breakup, like a child fresh off their parents’ divorce. It even deterred me from taking the Little of my dreams this past fall, for fear of bringing her into the fold of the weird family dynamic that is my birth lineage.
I started hanging out with my best friend’s family more and more. Her grandlittle was the Little I so desperately wanted but didn’t take, so we were around each other pretty often. I was on the outskirts of their family, always supporting them, despite the fact that I wasn’t close with the girl whose place I would eventually take. My best friend’s Little went inactive for financial reasons, and it dawned on me that maybe all of the shit that had gone down had happened so that I could be adopted by my best friend, and so that I could be the Big to the Little I should have taken originally in the first place.
After extensive talk and jokes about me being in their family line now, we decided to seal the deal and threw our first 1-2-3 photo in late March. My adopted family, my true family, has been more of a family to me than my birth family ever was times ten. Did I hurt my birth Big’s feelings? Probably, but her removal of me from her life hurt just as much. I truly believe destiny played a hand in the creation of my new family.
We have shared endless laughs, have rocked countless stages, and have eaten our weight in tacos from our favorite Mexican food place more times than I can count. The women in my lineage encourage me to be all that I can be, and that’s worth more any costume or gift basket. If you’re dissatisfied with your Big/Little relationship, there is hope. Being adopted places you with a family that cares, and replaces bad blood with a new beginning and a new lineage to create even stronger bonds with. Adoption is always an option, and often, it’s the most loving option as well..