As I sit around the table at the bar listening to my friends extol the perfect amazingness of their relationships, I wonder if there is something wrong with me. The more they talk, the more it seems that they pretty much do everything except go to the bathroom and get bikini waxes with their significant others. Hell, it took Middle East cease-fire level negotiations to find a night when they could tear themselves away from their dudes’ sides for girls’ night out. But all I can think of as they talk about how they spent Sunday night on the couch with their man-friend watching Game of Thrones is “That sounds like my worst nightmare.”
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’d like a boyfriend. I’d like to have guy that takes me to dinner, sends me flowers on my birthday after some not-so-subtle reminders and is a sure-thing to be in my bed at the end of a drunken night out. But at the same time, in a perfect world, I’d get some days off from a relationship. Not to go out and whore around (I’m unashamedly a sleep-with-one-guy-at-a-time girl), but instead to be a little bit selfish. I want to be able not to consider someone’s feelings when deciding what to have for dinner. I don’t want to check his schedule when making plans. And frankly, I don’t want to have to shave my legs. I want to be able to be “me” — a me who’s not part of a “we” — just a few days a week.
While there are lots of “status options” in relationship-land – FWB, casually dating, fully committed – I’ve found that there isn’t one that suits my particular needs. So, in that vein, let me propose a new relationship option: the Thursday to Sunday boyfriend. Here’s what a week in this new relationship style would look like:
Monday A.M – Thursday Afternoon: Every couple will need to set their own rules for relationship days off. Are daily texts required or discouraged? What happens if one of your sex needs must be fulfilled during the days off? Ground rules are the key to success of this unconventional relationship strategy.
Thursday: Relationship time kicks off with Thursday night cocktail hour. You each head out for drinks with your respective groups and either meet up while you’re out at some point – or just meet up in a bed later on. Whichever.
Friday morning: You part ways for work/class commiserating over your shared hangover from too many tequila shots that led to only so-so sex. You spend the day texting each other the kissy face and eggplant emojis while planning for the weekend (which hopefully includes lots of much better sex).
Friday night: Friday nights are for group outings. His friends, your friends, all together in one bar. While your best friend Sarah makes out with that guy Ben from your boyfriend’s philosophy class, you two slip off to the bathroom for a little one-on-one sexy time.
Saturday morning: Lazy Saturday mornings in bed are the best. They are made even better when there is a guy with a talented tongue making a visit to v-town.
Saturday afternoon: Unless you have entered the period in your life where Saturday’s are spent at an endless series of weddings, Saturday afternoon is the most ambiguous time in the Thursday-Sunday relationship, which may be why it’s my favorite. The possibilities are endless: day drink with friends, see a movie you’ve both been dying to catch, binge watch something on Netflix with frequent sex breaks.
Saturday night: Date night! Meaning dinner, drinks, and probably a fight about something completely ridiculous. Hey, I didn’t say this was going to be the perfect relationship.
Sunday morning: As much as I hate it, Sunday morning is brunch time. So knock back a few mimosas and chow down some French toast and bacon. Just don’t be the couple that sits on the same side of the booth or holds hands across the table. Everyone hates those people.
Sunday afternoon: Sunday afternoon is seasonal. During the 17 weeks of the regular football season, plus the playoffs, Sundays are spent on the couch watching the games, with some pre-game nookie and halftime blow jobs. During the other 30 or so weeks of the year, T-S relationship Sundays should be spent doing things like going to wine tastings, strolling around some cute town, or having a bang-fest to make up for the upcoming three days of sex-draught.
Sunday, early evening: Kiss each other goodbye, and everyone retreat to their own home/beds. The rest of Sunday is spent preparing the healthy lunches for the week that I will supplement with contraband candy while wondering why I’m not losing weight, catching up on Thursday’s TGIT and going to bed early, sprawled out right in the middle of the bed.
The Thursday-Sunday boyfriend obviously isn’t for everyone. There are some girls – a lot of whom are my friends – that need/want to be in a relationship 24/7. But if you’re like me, and crave both a partner and some scheduled alone time, maybe this is the option for you. Now, we just need to find some guys who are willing to only get laid four days a week..
The featured image is a stock photo from our database. The people photographed are not in any way associated with this column.