If I had a nickel for every time my friends made me promise I wouldn’t leave them when we went out, shots would be on me every single night. I always thought that it was a sweet sentiment. They wanted so badly to spend time with me that they made me promise to be by their side for the entirety of the night. It made me feel special. My friends didn’t want to talk to any other person for the rest of the night except for me. I felt so lucky. I superfluously promised that I would attach myself at their hips and we would have a killer night together. We would get ready together, we would take shots and Snapchats before we left, and as soon as we would get to the party, I would disappear.
The door of the party opens, and I dive into the sea of people. I say hi to the girls huddled in the corner by the door. They clearly don’t want to talk to me, or anyone for that matter, but that doesn’t stop me. Since I showed up with my best girl friends, I look for my guy friends in hopes that they will give me free alcohol. Then I scan the room for the night’s potential prey. I put in as much work as I can until I have to pee, at which point I get his number, find the friends I came with, and go to the bathroom. We generally stick together until we decide to go to the bars. The bar cycle goes bathroom to bar to dance floor. Repeat until kicked out.
Because I know exactly where I’m going and what I’m doing, I don’t notice that I abandon my friends upon arrival. I just assume they are following close behind or spend enough time with me to know how I operate. But if that is not the most self-centered thing about me, then it’s a very close second to my Twitter. Going out with me is like the world’s worst game of hide and seek. Where was I? Maybe the kitchen. Maybe the bathroom. Maybe hiding in the closet to be funny. Maybe in a tree. Maybe I found a cat. Maybe a different house. Who knows? Even I’m not always sure where I am. I’m like a drunk butterfly trying to land on all of the flowers I can find. I was completely oblivious to the issue until one of my friends voiced her hesitation in going out with me.
“If you can convince Morgan to go too, then I’m down. It’s just the last time the two of us went out, I felt kind of left.”
A few nights before, we had gone out just the two of us, and I got so wrapped up in a conversation with some guy that she was forced to make friends with whomever was closest to her. My friends weren’t making sure that I would spend time with them because they couldn’t bear the thought of being without me, it’s because I consistently deserted them. I split the Uber with them and don’t see them until we’re going somewhere else. We’re not going out together, we’re just human pawns making sure the other one makes it out and home safely. That’s not who I want to be. I want to be the fun friend. I want to be the friend that you can always count on. This flakiness goes against everything that I stand for.
With the new school year coming up, I feel like I have a second chance. I can prove to my friends once and for all that I am not a lost cause. It’s time to go from “Where’s Waldo?” to “There’s Waldo.” Because I will always be there. But if I’m not, I’ll come back around eventually. I promise..