We’ve all been there. In a (lack of) a relationship with one of those fuckboys who can’t help themselves from leading you on, driving you crazy, and then getting mad for driving you crazy when you finally snap on him. I have struggled with my fair share of illegitimate relationships, where I read into everything they say, everything they do, and come to their beck and call because in my mind, who wouldn’t like me? They couldn’t possibly be playing games with me because I’m amazing. And while your friends tell you you’re an idiot with no brain cells for actually believing that, the light bulb finally went off when I heard Dua Lipa’s “New Rules,” so I need to publicly thank her for my new found self respect and confidence. Something about hearing it from a pop sensation jut made sense to me, since I didn’t listen to the people in my life who actually care about me. If you, too, have yet to reach the pinnacle of self-love, take it from me, an internet stranger, and Dua Lipa, a pop star. You shall be saved.
1. Don’t pick up the phone.
Don’t. Pick up. The damn. Phone. Why? Because he’s only calling when he’s drunk and alone. DUH! The incoming text at 12:49 asking, “You out tonight?” He’s fighting with his ACTUAL girlfriend, and wants you to come distract him for a little bit. We all know better than to answer booty calls, but sometimes when you are drunk it’s just the Earth’s gravitational pull to want to go get yours. Blame it on the moon, or the alcohol, or whatever. But Dua Lipa’s right. Don’t pick up the freaking phone. What happened when I stopped picking up the phone? I started meeting new guys. I wasn’t so desperate and wrapped up in waiting for him to text and call. I made a decision to ignore and live in the present. There are a lot of hot guys in the present. Embrace the present.
2. Don’t let him in.
Don’t let him in, physically and emotionally. First of all, he’s going to leave your sheets smelling like Jameson. Do you really want to be sleeping in Jameson? Don’t let that smelly man inside your home. And like, emotionally, don’t let that little bitch in. If he’s going to play games, you can play games too. And not to mention, you can play them better. Hello, WE’RE WOMEN! Anything a man can do, we can do better. Manipulation? Check. Using someone for sex? Check. When you stop letting him in, you send a message to him that he’s your little bitch. He thought he was big and bad, guess again my precious fuckboy. Not letting him in sends this message: He. Ain’t. Shit.
3. Don’t be his friend.
This is the hardest one I struggle with, by far. I’m all cool if you don’t want to date me, even if that makes you stupid and irrelevant and wrong, but I can’t have ANYONE not like me. I am a people pleaser. I like to make sure other people are having fun. And I don’t like to have problems with anyone. I am incapable of holding a grudge, which isn’t a terrible thing, but it is bad when those people you SHOULD hold a grudge against walk all over you, continuously. Say hello to my dating life for the past two years. Did I say dating life? I meant emotional trauma, big difference. Listen. I, of all people, understand that you want to be friends with said fuckboy, but you just can’t, okay? Because “friends” to you, isn’t “friends” to him. He’s “friends” with a lot of ladies. And by that, I mean he’s putting his dick in a lot of places that you aren’t aware of. STDS. Can’t be friends with an STD. So when you stop being his friend, you reiterate the message that this boy ain’t shit. And you’re not catching his gross sexually transmitted diseases. But Brittney is, and that’s funny because Brittney is a bitch.
I know it’s hard, but if these new rules don’t change the way you think, THEY SHOULD. They changed the way I think, and I can confidently say it has changed my life. So count them rules baby girl, you got this. Because if you’re under him, you ain’t getting over him..
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