I Don’t Understand Shower Sex


I just don’t get it. Maybe it’s me and my inability to perform such acts in tight spaces. Maybe it’s my inflexibility. Maybe the height proportions are just never right. I really don’t know. All I know is that I do not understand how people are capable of performing shower sex and how it can actually end up being good sex.

I’ve tried a number of times with a number of guys but each time has been a total bust (and not in the good way). I think most of my confusion lies in the positioning of the sex and the size of the shower. I’m not fucking these guys in grand bathrooms with showers the size of my bedroom. The kinda shit I’m usually working with is a small ass shower that could MAYBE fit two people. So there is never much room to work and only so many positions my fat ass can get into without twisting myself into a fucking pretzel.

Another area of confusion for me is the proportions of each person. Like, I know no man is able to lift me up and hold me while simultaneously fucking me without slipping and essentially causing a “help I’ve fallen and can’t get up,” scenario with the added twist of having a naked girl on his dick. Not an ideal way to be found.

The times I had tried it this way I have felt a bit of guilt for the poor guy. He was totally saying “no, no, it’s fine I can hold you” through his clenched teeth and red crunched up face but what he really meant was “I’m about to die because I physically cannot hold you up like this but I don’t want to make you feel bad.”

It’s fine, I’m no feather, I can barely lift my own self out of bed in the AM–I feel your pain. So yeah, totally unenjoyable for the poor guy trying to multitask with my entire weight chilling on his dick and for me just awkwardly holding on. I am also 5’ 9”, which is usually pretty close in height to a decent amount of guys I’ve slept with so I am in no way “small” and easy to carry around. Plus my legs are so fucking long they get tangled up in his legs and cause all types of fuckery.

There is also the other option I have tried which is essentially standing doggy in the shower. Now, I am not a flexible person at all. I can’t even touch my hands to my toes (pathetic, I know). So trying this position was slightly better than the last but a couple problems arose here.

Problem number one: the dude’s dick kept slipping out of my vagina. This brings me to another point of why I don’t get shower sex. I know it’s supposed to be steamy and hot and wet and shit but there is such a thing as too wet. And if you have ever had a dude’s dick slip out and accidently penetrate your asshole, you don’t want things to be too slippery down there. Fuck that.

Problem number two: this position tired me the fuck out. Now I was a college athlete and all so I had boss ass upper body and I still do but damn, holding yourself down like that is tiring. My arms would get tired, my back would get stiff and I had water and soap dripping into my eyes. Not great.

So like I said, maybe it’s me, maybe it’s not but all in all I just don’t fucking understand shower sex. To me, it’s just an awkward, wet and soapy hot mess. I’ll just stick to my sexual encounters in awkward places on land, thank you very much.

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I'm Ashley and I get wine drunk by myself more than I should, eat my weight in tacos and make bad choices. I'm a ball at parties and only slightly embarrassing. Enjoy the shit I write. xoxo.

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