Before the haters and feminists come at me with their pitchforks, I want to make it clear that I don’t actually, physically, hate her. I’m not going to boycott her movies and turn off “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” because she’s on it. I just… don’t… like her. No one likes everyone, and I just happen to not like a super famous celebrity. There are tons of people out there who don’t like me for writing about my parents paying for my education or my weight. There are just certain people in this world who rub you the wrong way, and for me, Jennifer Lawrence is one of those people.
I’m not saying she’s a bad actress or she doesn’t deserve her Oscars and other awards, because she’s good at her job and I enjoy her movies. I’m not saying she’s ugly or stupid or incompetent. Basically, I just don’t get the Jennifer Lawrence hype.
You know what I’m talking about — everyone fawning and obsessing over her for being such a “real” and “genuine” celebrity because she tripped while walking up the stairs or because she eats pizza. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, here are a few of the most “Jennifer Lawrence moments” Jennifer Lawrence has ever had.
- That time she said she hates wearing pants, which is something literally everyone has said.
- That time she was actually kind of rude to a reporter all because she wanted carbs.
- That time she made an “ugly” face and demanded pizza.
- That time she admitted to being drunk on stage talking about winning her Oscar and everyone was like, “OMG I’VE BEEN DRUNK TOO! SHE’S LITERALLY ME!”
- That time she tried to be cute and photobomb the queen — Carrie Bradshaw AKA Sarah Jessica Parker.
- That time she talked about disgusting bodily functions on late night television and people ate that shit up.
- That time she tried to act like she’s not cool enough to be at a celebrity party when she is JENNIFER FREAKING LAWRENCE.
- That time she tripped walking up the stairs to get her Oscar and everyone was like, “OMG GRAVITY EFFECTS CELEBRITIES TOO!!!!”
You might think that I’m kind of a bitch, and you’re right, but honestly — what makes Jennifer Lawrence so special? So “real?” Because she eats pizza? Don’t you think Meryl Streep or Angelina Jolie-Pitt chow down on some pizza every once in awhile? They do. They’re people, just like you and me. But because Jennifer Lawrence brags about it and brings it up in interviews when she’s supposed to be a professional, everyone suddenly praises her? Everyone but me, apparently.
I know it might not seem like it, but it was hard for me to come to this realization. I wanted to like her, I really did, because my comedy queen, Amy Schumer, is her BFF. If Amy likes her, I should like her too, right? Wrong. I just can’t get over her. And that was really freaking hard for me, considering I’m so obsessed with Amy Schumer that if she asked me to pick up her dogs shit with my mouth I would do it. I don’t understand how my hero, the funniest person I know, can be so obsessed with someone who I just consider to be so… bland.
Her schtick of “LOL I’m so awkward and weird and I love food, I’m not like other actresses” is just so fake. She’s one of the most well-known names in Hollywood — she’s exactly like every other celebrity. If you actually like Jennifer Lawrence, you’re simply a bandwagoner fan.
There’s another thing, and I fully expect to get a ton of shit for saying this, but J. Law is simply average looking. She has a kickass makeup and styling team, but I don’t think she’s drop dead gorgeous Like Angelina Jolie or Natalie Portman. They look like actresses, J. Law looks like any basic white girl you pull off the streets. I’m not saying all actresses are pretty, but when I see a guy fawn over her, I just don’t get it.
She’s completely overrated, and while I’ll still be first in line to see her and Amy’s new movie they’re co-writing together, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ll never truly be a fan of hers. I don’t hate her, I don’t want her to stop kicking ass and taking names in Hollywood, and I’m not going to start leaving nasty comments on her Instagram. She’s just not my cup of tea.
I’ll stick to worshipping to Amy Schumer and wishing I could look like Mila Kunis. .