It was your typical Saturday night pregame. My friends and I gathered around a 30-rack of Rolling Rock and drank the sweet nectar. All just to ensure that when we actually did make it out of the house and had to interact with human beings we didn’t know, it wouldn’t be painfully awkward, or even if it was, we just wouldn’t remember it. My friends and I like to get weird. Real weird. It makes for a fun night out and ridiculous stories. No one else may want to be friends with us, but we have a good time.
So back to the point, every pregame my friends and I have consists of the same structure. Sure it can get a little boring sometimes, but routine is good. We drink (a lot) and watch music videos. Like, hundreds of music videos. I really don’t know how or why this came about, but it is apart of our regimen. We are cultured. Or so I thought.
On comes “Starboy” by The Weeknd. (Honestly, only a 4 out of 10 on the “turn up” scale and I wanted to elbow whoever chose it, but whatever, I was drinking their beer, so I wasn’t going to be the girl who demands to play all the music.) I had never seen the music video before, so I was intrigued. Intrigued enough to start talking about his relationship with Selena Gomez.
“I honestly can’t believe he is dating Selena Gomez. I just can’t see it.”
All six guys turned their heads to me and looked at me in disbelief. None of them, I repeat, NONE OF THEM knew that Selena Gomez was dating The Weeknd. This is when I realized that I would never and will never have an intimate relationship with any of them.
My guys friends are attractive. They aren’t super models, but they aren’t ugly. One in particular, I dated in seventh grade and we have sex occasionally (everyone has friends like this, right?) but after this revelation about how clueless he is about all things pop culture, I can’t even look at him the same.
I know what you’re thinking. “Guys aren’t supposed to be into celebrity gossip.” I KNOW boys are supposed to be into SPORTS and BOOBS and BEER. But how am I supposed to relate to someone who knows nothing about all the things I’m passionate about? Celebrities. What do we talk about at dinner? What do we bond over while we are sweatpants, hair tied, chilling with no makeup on? What will he think when he finds out my job is to write about pop culture?
It’s been a heartbreaking revelation, and I think it applies to all men. How can I be into someone who doesn’t share my same interests? Are there any (straight) men out there who care about the current status of Scott and Kourtney’s relationship? The answer is no, because SCOTT HIMSELF doesn’t even care about the current state of their relationship!!!!!
So after a lot of thought, I had a realization that in my heart, I knew all along. The only relationship I’ll ever be in, is one with the internet..
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