I Cannot Craft To Save My Life


Other than buying apparel and avoiding being sent to standards, a huge part of sorority life is crafting. I’m fairly certain once you join a sorority, you begin to live the life of Pablo (this is in reference to Picasso, the artist). Once you join, don’t craft immediately because your big will do that for you. You’ll wake up daily to canvases, picture frames, and pin boxes.

However, once that time passes and you see how great canvases are, you get ambitious. This ambition can be summed as, I just spent $40 at Michael’s and have the TV set to HGTV for pure inspiration and motivation. Well for most sorority girls, crafting is easy. The other small percentage, which includes myself, have spent their whole lives making artwork that their moms’ were even too embarrassed to hang on the fridge. We try our hardest to make paddles and canvases we see on Pinterest, but then we just resort to having another sister do it, or just simply buy it online and claim it as our own.

There’s pure confusion as to why your whole sorority can get an email that says, “Hey we need a banner for an event tomorrow,” and next thing you know you have six girls coming together to create it in one night. Another huge issue that one may suffer from is, what I have deemed as, “4-year-old boy handwriting”. This is a true epidemic who’s only cure is typing rather than writing. If you’re one of those people who is constantly being asked by teachers “what does this say?” while they’re grading your handwritten papers, you suffer from this disease. All of those creative sayings and even the name of your sorority, are a huge no-go. You might as well just learn to appreciate a canvas that’s painted one solid color because I’m pretty sure that’s all you got.

And never get asked by a fraternity boy to go on an away weekend, or formal because you WILL have to make a cooler for him and you are nowhere near cut out for that. If you do get asked and he’s your boyfriend, just hope he loves you enough to not dump you for your pitiful excuse of a cooler. If you get asked and he’s your friend, tell him to take someone else because your cooler will ruin your friendship. If you get asked and he’s not your boyfriend or friend BUT he’s really hot, find the nearest creative person you know and toss them some alcohol and/or money and have them get to crafting (disclaim to them that you will be claiming the artwork that is the cooler as your own).

I pray to the Greek Gods that I get a little that will still love me even after I give her crafts that she probably won’t want to hang up (remember that it’s the thought that counts). So, the real question is, what do you do instead? Well, I have found a few loopholes in what is deemed as “crafting”. Simple is your best bet. Try googling “easy sorority canvases,” and you will enter into the unofficial “Crafting-Challenged Anonymous” group. Aim for ones that don’t involve a lot of detail, and if you really need words written, ask someone else. You’re not alone in this sorority world when it comes to poor crafting. Try to distract everyone with your drinking game skills or pure hotness, and no one will even remember that piece of crap canvas you made.

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Just a girl who thinks she's super srat and also a little whack. My skills include chirping other boys which makes other boys fall in love with me, narrowly avoiding standards on a weekly basis, tricking the eye into thinking I have boobs and being constantly mistaken as Emma Stone.

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