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I Am Only Hooking Up With This Guy Because He Lives 10 Minutes From My Job

I Am Only Hooking Up With This Guy Because He Lives 10 Minutes From My Job

I have never claimed to be a good and moral person. In fact, I declare myself garbage at least once a day. I adapted the personal belief that being morally good is insanely overrated. That and I recently got out of a heavy duty two-year relationship with an overly emotional mommy dependent baby…so I decided I was no longer going to give a fuck about men and their fragile male egos. I am tired of catering to big dumb babies and their pathetic little feelings. I was gonna do me and I was gonna rip some heads off in the process.

I am all about being a lady and using it to get what I want. We get paid less, we get cat called, and we got the right to vote like…not that long ago. So, I work in Baltimore City but I do not live in Baltimore City. I forced myself to get an adult job with adult benefits, which also means I am forced to work adult hours. I didn’t even know the world existed at 6am. But it does. And it’s full of beltway traffic. Sometimes it takes me an hour and a half to get to my job and I am so not about that noise. So I found a solution: I am hooking up with a guy that lives close af to my job.

Yes, I know that is actually terrible. But guys do terrible stuff all of the time. One time, a guy showed me his bank account in order to try and convince me to come home with him. Another time, I was seeing a guy and his female friend came into town and he fucked her right in front of me. I am out of fucks to give at this point. Also don’t get me wrong, the sex is great. Okay, well it’s good enough. The best part is I get to roll out of bed the next day 20 minutes before I have to be at work. What a system…getting dick and eliminating my terrible morning commute? Why didn’t I think of this sooner?

Some of you may be thinking: how can you be so heartless? I try to not think of it that way. This dude doesn’t want to date me. How do I know this? He’s told me. He has also tried to talk to me about how to get other women like I am one of his basic dude bros. Why must I cater to his dumb fragile ego when he can’t even figure out how to be a proper “friends with benefits”? I have given up caring and if it gets me to work on time I am not entirely sure why I should behave any other way.

Image via Shutterstock

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boybye

If I can't be buried with my dick pics then I don't wanna die.

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