As females, we are complicated creatures, and some of us are even more complicated than others. We say things we don’t mean, we dislike girls we don’t know, and sometimes we pretend to be friends with people we don’t even like. We’ve all had that one friend who we later found out was only pretending to be our pal for some reason or another. If you’ve never had that “friend,” it’s probably because you are that “friend.” This so-called friend who pretends to like you, even though deep down she hates your guts, is actually not your friend at all. She is your enemy, disguised as a person who cares about your goals, dreams, thoughts, and feelings. Since these types of friends are wrapped in insincerities, clothed in hatefulness, and covered in counterfeit qualities, how can you tell if she is a friend or a frenemy? Well, ladies, here are your guidelines to breaking down this diabolical mystery.
First and foremost, the frenemy is going to ignore you until she needs something from you. You’ll never hear from her on a day to day basis, and she’ll never check in just to see how you’re doing. Instead, she’ll contact you on weekends when she has no other plans, or when her boyfriend dumps her because she needs someone to cry to. If she needs money, a ride, details on gossip, or help with something, you’re on her speed dial. But, until that time comes, your number isn’t even saved in her phone.
Secondly, the frenemy will only give you backhanded compliments. Every insult will be disguised as a beautiful compliment and perhaps you won’t even realize what she actually says to you. Ask her how a dress looks on you and the frenemy will respond, “It looked better on the mannequin.” Tell her that you and your crush are finally dating and the frenemy will respond, “Congrats girl, he must be bored or rebounding.” The frenemy will tell you, “I love your hair cut, but it makes your face look round.” She’ll also tell you, “You’re nails are so pretty. Too bad they can’t put nail polish over your sausage fingers, too.” Listen carefully to the words the frenemy speaks, because like honey on a bumblebee, it still stings.
Thirdly, the frenemy will make everything about her, by one-upping everything you say. You tell her you lost five pounds and she’ll say she lost 10. You tell the frenemy you had a terrible day and she’ll tell you her day was way worse. You tell her you got promoted and she’ll tell you that she got promoted twice. You tell the frenemy that you got an A on your paper, but she got an A+++. No matter what you do or say, the frenemy does and says it better, according to her.
Finally, the frenemy will downplay any success you have in your life. She’ll do this by providing you with reasons why these amazing moments most likely occurred. You tell her that you got a new job. The frenemy will reply, “No one else must have applied.” You tell her that your boyfriend proposed to you. The frenemy will reply, “There was probably a sale at Zale’s that he couldn’t pass up.” You tell her you got a score of 750 on the GMAT. The frenemy will reply, “It was probably super easy.” When having a frenemy as a friend, your successes will always go unnoticed because she will throw a cloak of invisibility and bitchiness over it.
Well, ladies, there you have it: your guide to discover whether or not your friend is a friend or a frenemy. If you are the frenemy, then this guide was just a refresher for you. If you are a real friend, then clearly you learned something. Pay attention ladies, it’s a female dog eat female dog world out there. So, good luck to the friends, and good riddance to the frenemies.