How To Tell If A Sorority Girl Is In A Bad Mood

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Everyone has heard the jokes about a woman’s out of control, unpredictable, hormonal mood swings. Honestly, though, the jokes are funny because they’re spot on. Between our genetic makeup, stress, circumstances, and men, we never stood a chance. Our moods can be accurately described by the object we most desire, too.

Red Lipstick
It’s an unwritten rule that a sorority girl needs three things to have a successful college career: her sisters, hairspray, and the perfect shade of red lipstick. This seems easy, but as any girl can tell you, it isn’t. Finding the perfect hue is a time consuming, money sucking, soul searching quest. I still remember the moment I stumbled upon my perfect brand and color. This particular makeup item is more than just a girl’s preference–it’s a lifestyle. Red lipstick nights mean drinks from cute, bearded strangers and fuzzy memories that you just KNOW were the best in the world.

The world does not exist, the world does not exist. “Grey’s Anatomy,” however, does. Hours upon hours of amazing shows mean that you can ignore anything else going on. These moods are brought on by drama, exhaustion, or denial. Personally, I usually enter this phase when I am in need of some alone time. “Me time” used to be manicures and cocktails, but now it’s ice cream and online streaming. I’m not mad about it.

A Cuddle Session
No girl is immune to this. It hits at different times, and can usually be ignored with just the right amount of alcohol and favorite sisters. This mood tends to show up around wintertime, when activities tend to be geared more toward people in love. In the summer, we love our freedom to stay out all night with random people or to get blackout drunk without apologizing the next day, but our winter blues beg us to be wrapped up in the arms of a guy. Hot chocolate, ice skating, and heading home for the holidays are just meant to be shared.

An Inhaler

This particular mood is based on our own personal calm-down method: inhaler, Tylenol, Xanax, whiskey. We are the perfect combination of living in the present and planning for the future. However, our planning usually revolves around fun stuff, like next semester’s formal or what our child’s nursery will look like. So, when finals approach or when it’s time to turn in your intent to graduate, the mental meltdown occurs. We overthink, second guess, and just full out hyperventilate: “No, it is not time to grow up. I don’t care what that college diploma says,” or “I should’ve gone to class more than once! Are these words even in English?”

Welcome to the mood swings of sorority girls. You’ve been warned.

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20-something alumnae. She worked as a high school English teacher for a couple of years, but couldn't handle the lack of messy buns and yoga pants. Now she's headed back to the world she understands best: college. Graduate school this time, but she's still hoping to make a comeback with Sunday Fundays and Whiskey Wednesdays.

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