How To Take A Perfect Selfie Every Time


I’ll be the first to tell you that I look a million times better in my selfies than I do in person. Mostly because I give no fucks and choose to pursue the homeless look on a day-to-day basis. Luckily for me, most people judge me strictly by a scroll through my Insta and come to the conclusion that I wake up flawless. You too can be deceitful as I am if you just take my advice and follow these simple steps.

Let’s break this down and make it stupid simple. All you need to remember is LATE (like your period most months). This simple acronym will be your go-to on taking and posting a selfie.

Lighting. This shit is important. I’m talking make or break. Stay away from fluorescents unless you like the vamp look. The bathroom light fixture from Home Depot won’t do either. Find some natural light. Near a window, even the cheesy inside your car pic or God forbid go outside for five minutes.

Angles. It’s time for you to get real familiar with this shit. I’m talking Kardashian familiar. Go sit in front of your mirror and fall in love with your face. Pull up some of your favorite celebs selfies and see what works for them. There was no spontaneity in their goddess-like poses. They know how to work the camera and so should you. (HINT: unless you are an absolute perfect symmetrical goddess-like face, stay away from the straight on angle. It won’t do a thing for you.)

Timing. Kinda skipping ahead a step, but it works best for the acronym, so fuck off. You want to post your new hot selfie at the ideal time for optimum number of likes. If you’re stupid and can’t figure out for yourself when everyone is getting their social media on, they make apps that tell you this shit. (HINT: Never post before 2pm. I would say optimum hours are between 5-7pm).

Editing. Last, but sure as hell not least. They actually have classes for this shit. Well kinda. Photoshop can be your BFF if you know how to use it. Personally, I discovered the wonderful world of Photoshop during my downtime in yearbook class. Needless to say I was fortunate enough never to have embarrassing yearly grade school pics. However, if you aren’t so lucky go ahead and bite the bullet and purchase Photoshop for your personal computers. Don’t know how to use it? Google it. Youtube literally has step by step videos on how to edit your pictures just like they would for a magazine. If that just sounds like too much work, you can always stick with trusty ole Facetune. It’ll get the job done, but beware: every other sister has those same basic tricks up her sleeves, so be careful not to get caught in the act. Choose a solid filter, but don’t overdo it. Afterlight is my favorite filter go-to. It allows you to be a little more unique than the basic Instagram options.

You may see this as extreme, but all I have to say is you’re extremely welcome. If you follow these steps you’ll probably never be satisfied with a simple snap of yourself ever again, but that’s an easy price to pay for a little Instagram fame.

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