How To Reduce Your Sentence At A Standards Meeting

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Well, it happened. Whether you drunkenly Instagrammed a picture of you underage drinking, tweeted about your shacking escapades, or got too crazy around the wrong sisters, you got called to Standards. But whether this is your first trip to Standards or you’re a pro at getting through the dreaded wrist slaps, there is always something more you can do.

You’re standing outside the door waiting to hear the reason why you were told to report to this room immediately after chapter. You silently blame the goody-good of your pledge class for calling you in (even if there’s no way it was her). You swear someone is playing the “Jaws” theme song as the door opens and the head of the board calls you in.

Step 1: Lie
When someone asks, “Do you know why you’re here?” lie like you did when you told everyone you weren’t that drunk on Friday at the bar, or like you did when you told your parents you were focusing more on your grades than on your mixer with the hot fraternity.

Step 2: Act Innocent
They know what you did, and they know you aren’t innocent. But chances are, you can charm them into believing you don’t normally get so drunk that you try to hide behind a tree to throw up, or that you made out with 11 guys in two hours (and aren’t still proud). Pretend like you’re still in high school, telling your parents you’re going to Amanda’s to have a girls’ night–instead of going to the party down the block.

Step 3: Apologize
Whether you’re sorry or not for whatever Standards accused you of, apologize. Even if your apology is more of an implied, “I’m sorry I got caught,” you need to say you’re sorry. Tell Standards it will never happen again, even though you really just want to leave and drink a Diet Coke before an all nighter and just hope you won’t get called in again.

Step 4: Be Respectful And Hold Your Head High
By all means, be kind to your sisters who, unfortunately, have to scold plenty of you for the harmless to severe events they deal with regularly. You know they hate having to be “that girl.” When dismissed, hold your head high knowing that whatever got you in there (hopefully) was a proud moment of your eventful weekend–even if you can’t look that adorable boy in your poli sci class in the eye ever again. Also, walk tall so that whatever girl called you into Standards in the first place can watch as you proudly just owned not only the Standards meeting, but the Standards-worthy activity of the weekend.

You go girl, but be more careful next time.

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Out-of-stater that knows fall means football in the south and dresses to match your "sorority loves" pins. Avid believer in all-out mixer and date party outfits. Go big or go home.

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