Mixers are magical. You get to dress up in your cutest costume, MO with someone new and exciting, and perfect your dirtiest dance moves in front of your sisters and potential gentleman callers. However, lately I’ve been noticing a real epidemic. No, it’s not an outbreak of mono from all these DFMOs, it’s girls who aren’t exactly dressing to impress. Finding the perfect outfit for a mixer is based on a wide variety of factors: how much you like the fraternity boys in question, how into the theme you plan on getting, and whether you want to look cute or like a wildabeast. Here’s how to look and act your best while blackout.
Don’t: Dress like it’s Halloween. Mixer themes are the perfect way to have fun while looking cute in a costume. A theme doesn’t mean you should go head to toe in an obscenely awkward ensemble, unless it’s an amazing one.
Do: Embrace props. Everyone will love the inflatable whale you bring to your “On A Boat” mixer, and you’ll have pictures to blackmail the boys with for forever.
Don’t: Wear norts. Look, just because it’s a chill theme does not mean you can give up on life entirely. I’m not saying you need to be in the most skintight stripper dress available, I’m just saying norts are a no-no. You want boys to want to bone you and girls to want to be you. You don’t want people to think you’re pretty cute, for a 5-year-old.
Do: Realize that less is more. An LBD accessorized can go a long way, no matter the theme. Plus, you’ll look better on your walk of shame if you’re not wearing a bikini and grass skirt in the middle of winter.
Don’t: Stress about an ex. Even if it is his fraternity you’re mixing with, it’s still your time to shine…and by shine, I mean hook up with one of his brother’s in front of him while looking your best, obviously.
Do: Remember to take pictures for the slideshow if you actually look cute.
Don’t: Monitor your family’s behavior too closely. If one of the babies is MOing someone she shouldn’t be, let her live, unless she’s beyond blackout. Despite the fact that she’ll always be your nugget, your little is old enough to make her own choices, even if they’re terrible (you would know, you’ve made them all before, too).
Do: MO with everyone. After all, how else will you win fraternity boy bingo?
Don’t: Look, I’m not going to say you shouldn’t take your hookup to the bathroom if you’re feeling frisky, because I’m not your standards chair, but if you’re not discreet, you will wake up to approximately a million and one texts about your bad decision. This will lead to an awkward come to Jesus with member development. However, if you do, don’t emerge with your entire dress all the way off because you will be “that girl” for the rest of eternity. It’s fine to be be “that girl,” as long as no one knows.
Do: Perfect your dance moves. It’s your best shot to twerk in style, as long as you don’t mind the photographic evidence, which is bound to look more MiCy than Beyonce, despite what you think in your vodka cran haze.
Don’t: Mix your mixers. Tequila shots, the Svedka the boys brought, and a delicious Diesel cocktail all chased down with a bottle of Andre might be a bit too much for your social monitors to manage. After all, you don’t want to burden them when they’re just trying to slip some flask Jack into their Diet Cokes.
Do: Pre-game the perfect amount. You should be ready to live your best life, not ready to vomit on the bus while giving an OTPHJ and doing shots of Diesel out of a makeshift flask you found on the floor, even if that does prove you’re good at multi-tasking, and should totally be considered for an Exec position.
Don’t: Wipe out. Practice in your heels at home, or at least wear amazing ones if you’re going to fall, so you can blame it on your Loubs instead of the alcohol.
Do: Keep your pikachu under wraps. That might mean wearing underwear if you plan on dancing on elevated surfaces, making sure your spandy dress doesn’t ride up all the way during a particular hardcore DFMO, or wearing your cutest pair of Hanky Panky’s if you know it’s going to happen anyway.
Don’t: Have any regrets about your bad behavior in the morning. If standards wants to chat, deny, deny, deny. After all, unless there are pictures they can’t prove anything.