How To Have The Perfect Big/Little Relationship

Big Little

For my Big and I, our relationship was love at first girl-date. I knew she was the big for me after our very first conversation. We swapped stories of losing our virginities and laughed at all the terrible hook-ups we had. After that, I knew. My big is, and always will be, my person. We have a relationship that everyone in my sorority is jealous of, and I’m proud of that.

On the other hand, in regards to my relationship with my little, I had to work at it. Come reveal, I got the little I wanted. Even though I was excited about her, it was undeniably a very different relationship than with my big. I think a lot of that stems from the fact that I didn’t develop a close pledge class group until my sophomore year, so I spent all of my freshman year bonding with my big and G-big. We were literally inseparable. In contrast, my little had a pretty tight PC group from the get-go. A lot of the times when I would ask her to pregame or come out with us, she had already made plans with her PC friends. And you know, that’s great. I was super happy she was making so many friends, but I also felt a little left out, especially when I compared it to how I was with my big.

As her freshman year went on, we became close. But not crazy close. Not as close as I wanted want us to be.m And that was partially my fault. I had unrealistic expectations of what my relationship should be like with my little instead of just working to form our own special connection. So I went into my junior year, her sophomore year, with a different attitude. My little makes plans, so if I were to text her to hang at the last minute; she would probably already be busy. So I started making plans with her. I would set specific dates, times, and activities, and we would get together. We swapped class schedules and figured out when a good time to have a standing weekly lunch would be. It wasn’t just me either; I like to think that she wanted to work on our relationship as well, so she started texting me more for spontaneous plans. For certain pregames that she had previously done with her pledge class, she came and hung out with me, and my big, and our friend group.

We both made compromises and we both put in the effort. And you know what? Now we are closer than ever. She is absolutely one of my best friends, and even though my relationship with her isn’t the same as it is with my big, I could not be happier with where we are. It’s great and awesome and fun to have an immediate best friend connection with someone, especially a big or little, but that’s not always realistic. Sometimes you are just going to be friends, and it’s going to be up to the two of you to work on the relationship to make it into something lasting. Just because it isn’t easy in the beginning, doesn’t mean it won’t happen. So for anyone who has a big-little relationship what isn’t quite what you want, remember that as with any relationship, you have to work at it to make it great.

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Champagne Showers is a contributing writer for TSM. She is your typical Northern Diva. If curse words, sexual content, and drug use offend you, then bless your heart. CS will continue living the life you're too scared to live. email her at:

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