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How To Handle The Morning After A Hookup

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So, you shacked, huh? It happens to the best of us. Sometimes it’s intended, sometimes it’s not. Whatever. You win some, you lose some. Should you find yourself in an unplanned, less than desirable situation, here’s how to deal.

The Walk of Shame

Yup, you guessed it. It’s not shacking unless you have to make that tragic walk out of your one-night stand’s house and back your place. You head out into the world after checking thoroughly for any trace of your letters. (What could be worse than your letters on a hungover sorority girl in a T-shirt and heels?) Head held high, you strut your stuff in your heels and oversized T like it’s a dress from your favorite designer’s newest line. After successfully passing all the other sorority houses between you and your home, the heels come off and you give in to looking EXACTLY as bad as you feel. You make it home with the little pride left that you woke up with, and if you’re lucky, you finally end up back in your own bed (and not your bathroom floor).

Neighbors

Awkward. So you wake up in a room that looks strangely like your apartment…but it’s not. SO not. There’s a stench of beer that you would NEVER even dream of having in your room. Then it dawns on you. You shacked with a guy who lives in none other than your own apartment complex. Okay, so you don’t have to make a walk of shame for all to see, but you do have to address the fact that there’s no avoiding this one. There’s obviously only one solution: pretend you have no idea who he is. With your luck, it’s inevitable that you will be on the same elevator with him every time you go to class. So stop sizing him up to see whether he will acknowledge you, or even recognize you in your everyday class attire. Just commit yourself to one simple rule. Every time you see him in the parking garage, elevator, or gym, avoid eye contact, because you have never seen this guy before in your life. Trust me, it’s just easier that way.

The Ex

Don’t worry, we’re all “that girl” every once in a while.  And it’s okay, really, because what’s more rewarding than waking up only to realize you’re not lying next to a complete stranger? Let’s be honest, you’ve obviously still got it if he’s still taking you home after the breakup. So let that give you whatever peace of mind that you may need, but the law for this one is simple. Leave. Now. Really, like, yesterday. Get out, don’t exchange condolences or make plans, because believe me, this is not a flame you want to rekindle…especially when you’re hungover.

So, from one dazed and confused girl to another, I’ve gathered and pieced together these hazy stories. Hopefully, they might one day save one of you shackers out there from a potentially tragic situation.

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Jen and Tonic

Struggling to maintain a perfect GPA while simultaneously binge drinking her way through the school year, Jen’s a true southern sorority gal. She’ll tell it how it is, but it’s okay, Buzzfeed told her she’s a God-given gift to the world.

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