How To Handle Getting Kicked Out Of Your Chapter Without Losing Your Dignity

How to Handle Getting Kicked Out of Your Chapter Without Losing Your Dignity

Getting kicked out of your chapter is the worst nightmare of any sorority girl. We build so much of our college lives around our membership — our friends, our social life, and maybe even our relationships — and it can be yanked away with one vote of the chapter or decision of the standards board. Luckily, this is something that most of us will never experience, but for the unfortunate few, it will happen. And while it will be horribly traumatic, you can handle it gracefully if you try.

Accept Responsibility
I can guarantee that if I ever got kicked out of my sorority, my mother’s first question would be, “So what did you do?” And that’s my first question to you, if you’ve been kicked out of your chapter. Organizations that have been around for a century or more wouldn’t survive if they went around kicking people out for no reason, so ask yourself the question: “What exactly did I do?” Odds are, if you’re honest with yourself, the answer isn’t “nothing.” Maybe what you did wasn’t that bad, was something everyone else was doing, or didn’t warrant getting the boot. All of those things could be true, and yeah, that sucks, but the first step to surviving this whole thing is admitting your part in it.

Handle It Yourself
Odds are, if you are in college and in a sorority, you are over eighteen unless you are some kind of child prodigy. So, technically, you’re an adult. Yes, Mom and Dad may still pay your bills, but at some point, you’ll need to start handling shit yourself, and now is as good a time as any. So have some pride and don’t have your mommy or daddy call nationals and a) plead your case, b) threaten to sue, c) yell at some staff member who doesn’t even know you, or d) all of the above. Handle this on your own. You’re a big girl.

Shut Your Mouth
Running your mouth isn’t a good look on anyone. Running your mouth when you get booted and talking shit about the chapter you used to love is an even worse one. Yeah, it sucks you got kicked out, but trashing your (former) chapter all over social media and to anyone who will listen doesn’t make them look bad — it just makes you look bitter. Take the high road. Have a standard response that you throw out when anyone asks about it and then change the subject. Being classy is the ultimate revenge.

Reach Out To The Sisters Who Matter To You
So you’re probably really angry. And hurt. And sad. And a million other emotions you can’t quite identify. And most of all, you’re upset that the women who used to be your sisters, particularly the ones you were close to, haven’t reached out to you. Well, if they haven’t, I can guarantee it’s not because they don’t care. It’s because they are scared shitless. Why? Well, first off, they have some guilt that they are still a member and you aren’t. Second, they don’t know if you are angry at them, even if they had nothing to do with the entire nightmare. Third, if everyone on standards did what she was supposed to do and kept quiet, they probably don’t know the full story of what actually went down. And even though the odds of that are slim to none, they probably only know bits and pieces of the story. Either way, it’s going to be up to you to make the first move. If maintaining certain friendships is important to you, even though you’re no longer technically sisters, the ball is in your court. Sisterhood creates friendships, but those friendships don’t have to end when the sisterhood does.

Let It Go
Obviously, I think being in a sorority is one of the greatest things in the world. But I’m also not stupid enough to think it’s the only great thing in the world — or on campus. So once the anger passes and the misery fades, make like Frozen and just let it go. Go find other clubs to join or activities to participate in. Don’t let this be the thing that defines your college experience for you. Instead, just let it be a speed bump on the way to something even better.

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, and documenting her love of all things cheese related. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at

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