How To Handle Being A Closeted Lesbian In A Sorority: A Heartbreaking Tale

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Honestly, I don’t know where to start. This has been a long journey for me to even begin writing this column, but I know I want to do this for any other sorority girl, who, like me, is terrified of coming out to her sisters.

I know the last time we went out together you had no idea. I was flirting with boys and batting my eyes at the bartender while drunkenly attempting to get his number. What probably never crossed your mind was the fact that he might not be my type. Neither was that guy in the button-down and boat shoes. Or that one guy I went home with after that party forever ago. You were oblivious, and that was just how I wanted you. I wanted there to be no question in your mind about my sexuality.

The truth is, I was scared. No, I was terrified. When it comes to sorority girls, everyone has a box that they put us in. They have these preconceived ideas about how a sorority girl acts and looks and talks and what kind of guys she wants. But I didn’t fit into that box, and I was scared. When I came to college, I had the same mindset everyone has. We all say we’re going to be whoever we want to be and that we’re not going to let anything stop us. That was me until I joined my sorority. Don’t get me wrong, I love you all dearly–but I felt pushed back into that box again because not one girl (who I am aware of) is out and proud in our sorority, or our Greek life for that matter. So being the first is even more terrifying.

It’s not a new thing. I’ve known for years. It just so happens that I’ve grown so much in the past few months. I’ve realized that I’m tired of hiding. I’m tired of watching what I say and how I act and how I look at people. It’s exhausting and I don’t want to do it anymore. I want to be able to find a girlfriend and love her better than any frat guy has ever tried to love me. I want to be able to bring her by the house and introduce her to my best friends and to all of you, the girls who have impacted my life so much. I have started this new chapter in my life, and when I go back to school full-time in the spring, I want to be open with all of you because you’re my sisters and I love you all. I have started telling some of you and you’ve been nothing but supportive and loving, which is a blessing. I couldn’t ask for better friends or sisters.

To any other fellow sorority girls who have yet to come out, your sisters are there for you. It may take some time, but even just telling my best friends and my big and little has been such a weight lifted off my shoulders. It’s such a relief to know that you have people supporting you through this experience, and it will make this journey so much more bearable if you have people to talk to about it.

To any straight sorority girls reading this, please watch what you say. When you’re in the closet, you listen to conversations very closely. Some of the things I have heard sisters say have made me question how they would take the news of me coming out. We hear your rude comments about a girl who dresses more masculine and the jokes you make about lesbians. Those comments impact us more than you know. It’s a scary event in itself. If we come out to you personally, it’s because we trust you and believe that you’ll love us no matter what. So, please be kind, be supportive, and be our sisters through this liberating experience. If it isn’t obvious to you now, it will be soon.

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Derby Darling is a student in Florida living far from her old Kentucky home. Between a job and what some may consider mild alcoholism, she's attempting to get her B.A. and MRS. She lives by the phrase "fuck it" and the philosophy that there is a time and place for everything and wine should always be included.

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