How To Get Over Someone You Never Actually Dated

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Relationships blow. Relationships in college blow even more. Undefined relationships in college can just blow me. Who the hell decided that your early 20s are the time to limbo in between just hooking up and actually calling him your boyfriend? If you’ve ever been in a situation like this, I can sympathize with you. Nothing is worse than having your sisters ask you what’s going on between you two and having to come up empty-handed. You don’t want to say too little, but you certainly don’t want to shoot him the “What are we?” text. What’s your usual response?

“We’re, like, talking. Kind of. I don’t know.”

Excellent–the most generic answer you could have possibly given. At least it will get them off your back for a bit. That is, until he stops texting you out of nowhere. You become obsessive, literally having to set time limits for yourself for how often you can check your phone. (Every 10 minutes is fine, right?) As a week of silence goes by, partly because you refuse to make contact with him first, you bring yourself to the heart-wrenching conclusion that he probably went to Kenya and has no service. Sike, you wish. Unfortunately, boys nowadays have this mindset that if they just stop talking to you–sometimes slowly, sometimes all at once–you have a mutual agreement that whatever was going on between the two of you is over. Touching, isn’t it? Suddenly, all those 2 a.m. texts that used to annoy you seem adorable, and you find yourself missing hanging out on his futon all day in his clothes watching Netflix. It’s understandable to feel this way, honestly. I mean, you two almost dated. And in sorority girl world, almost dating means almost calling him your boyfriend. And almost calling him your boyfriend means it’s perfectly okay to eat nothing but ice cream for the next three days. However, once you recover from your junk food bender, there are a few things you should do to keep yourself from only eating pizza for the next three days after that.

First of all, accept it. This might be the hardest step in the whole process, but you have to do it. You’ll feel somewhat lost, considering you never really got an answer from him about why things ended except for that one time your roommate drunkenly yelled at him for fucking you over and his only comeback was that he “didn’t think you two had anything in common.” Good to know it only took a few MONTHS for you to realize that, bud. Stop overanalyzing every conversation you had with him. Allow the fact that he is a guy in college who has no clue what he wants to be your reason to let go. Remember the saying, “Girls go to college to get more knowledge, boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider?” Apparently they don’t have to go to a different planet to be stupid anymore, but just come with us to college. Yes, the acceptance part sucks, but you’ll be so much better off knowing that things are done instead of second guessing his every move as some type of a signal that he wants you back. Why would you want to be back with him anyway? Back as what? His sort-of-girlfriend who he hooks up with on the weekends? There’s no need to further exhaust yourself. Accept it and resist all urges to throw a drink in his face every time you see him talking to another girl.

The next part to getting over this guy is the detachment phase. This means no more contact with him for a while. Look out for your drunk self in advance and delete his number. If you absolutely cannot bring yourself to do it, at least give it to a trustworthy sister who knows to smack you if you beg for it later. Either way, get it out of your reach. While you’re at it, stop looking at his favorited tweets, recent likes on Instagram, and ex from eighth grade’s profile pictures. Sit back, take a deep breath, and think about what the hell you were just doing. Remind yourself that there is no magical answer to cure your sad feelings in any of his social media accounts, and refrain from sending out a subtweet about him later tonight after a few glasses of wine (#regretsforbreakfast). Besides ceasing all the online stalking, make an effort to remove yourself from situations where you might run into him. Out of sight, out of mind, right? It can be very tempting to want to show up at his fraternity after your best friend texts you, “DOUCHELORD SIGHTING, I REPEAT DOUCHELORD SIGHTING.” (At his own house? Who would have known.) This isn’t the movies. He’s not going to see you walk in, hair blowing in the wind, boys diving at you left and right, and come over to kiss you passionately when some guy gets too touchy with you. Let’s be honest. He’s probably going to make awkward eye contact, quickly look at the floor, then make a slow 180 while chugging the rest of his whiskey Coke. Do your best to remain out of his presence, and the thought of him will slowly but surely remain out of your head.

Lastly, it’s time to move on. You’ve survived realizing that boys get bored with girls one way or another after three months, you’ve accepted that you’ve fallen for it, you remained strong when he showed up at the dodgeball tournament for your philanthropy, and you actually laughed when you watched him bring some poor, innocent freshman girl up to his room. His drunken bedroom “skills” are now her problem. Moving on may seem nerve-racking, but it really can be the best part. You can flirt shamelessly and accept drinks from whomever you want without feeling like you owe them some kind of sexual favor later. Because you were never actually in a relationship with this guy, you don’t need to go on some kind of drunken revenge weekend where you try to drink enough to forget his name–but, I mean, don’t let me stop you from making your own decisions. Making out with someone in his rival house is just enough of a “fuck you” to let him know you’re doing perfectly fine without him. Buy yourself some new clothes, go get your hair touched up, and finally get around to doing that eye makeup tutorial you found on Pinterest weeks ago. The better you look, the better you feel, and there’s no better feeling than newly-bought confidence that goes by your favorite designer name.

Getting over any guy is difficult, regardless of whether it’s a relationship, a fuck buddy, or this dude who you never defined the relationship with. Looking back on the situation, you might end up realizing how silly it was getting so invested in someone who you actually never discussed feelings with. Or you might just end up waking up in his bed a couple months down the road after somehow getting in the same pledge ride home and discovering he still knew your drunk food order by heart. Ah, modern day romance.

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Majored in bad language, bad decisions and bad jokes. Usually fucking things up or knocking things over.

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