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How To Fill Out Your NCAA Bracket: A Guide For The Clueless

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Some girls are true college basketball fans. Some girls are not. I have no problem admitting I fit in with the latter–and I would imagine I’m not the only girl out there who does. I relate more to the girl who got arrested for public intoxication before making it to the actual game than I do with Erin Andrews. The good news is, there is a one in 9.2 quintillion (18 zeros) chance that you’ll make the perfect bracket for this year’s NCAA tournament, which makes participating in March Madness easier than each team’s cheerleading squad following a victory.

Here are some fun and creative ways to design your NCAA bracket that have ABSOLUTELY ZERO relation to player skill, team statistics, or past tournament appearance and performance (because then I would actually have no clue what I’m talking about).

  1. Pick the team whose colors you look better in.
  2. Pick the team with the cuter mascot.
  3. Pick the team whose school starts with the first letter of your name.
  4. Pick the team with the better looking players.
  5. Pick the team whose school is ranked higher on the “Top 10 Biggest Party Schools” list.
  6. Ask the closest male which team you should pick. Then pick the opposite.
  7. Pick the team whose school has better tanning weather.
  8. Pick the underdog.
  9. Pick the team that sounds like a food you like (example: Gonzaga = Gorganzola, Musketeers = 3 Musketeers, Louisiana Lafayette = Cajun food…you get the picture.)
  10. Pick the team whose school is better at other sports.
  11. Count all the teams and pick the team your lucky number lands on.
  12. Pick the team whose school has a better Greek system.
  13. Pick the team whose school has your chapter. If they both do, pick the school with the prettier chapter.
  14. Pick the team whose school is named after people.
  15. Pick the team whose mascot would win in a fight against the other mascot.
  16. Pick the team whose school you would rather go to (assuming you didn’t attend yours).
  17. Pick the team closer to where you grew up.
  18. Pick the team whose school is smarter.
  19. Pick the team that sounds more patriotic (example: George Washington Colonials, American Eagles…um, yes).
  20. Pick the team by alphabetical order.
  21. Pick the team that has the dumber or weirder mascot or mascot name.
  22. Pick the team from the school you’ve never heard of.
  23. And remember, when in doubt, pick the team by doing eeny-meeny-miney-mo.

P.S. If any of you win the one billion dollar cash prize Warren Buffet is offering to the person who makes the perfect bracket, I’m taking half of your earnings. Happy March Madness!

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Drunk but not in love

(@DrunkNOTinLove) is a die-hard Splenda addict who requires a constant supply of caffeine and male attention to make it through the day. After graduating with her degree in Economics, she now focuses her energy on adding a "Home" to her degree title by perfecting the "intelligent drunk," and conning a banker into marrying her one day. Originally from New England, she is a hardcore Boston sports fan, but only when boys are around. Almost all of her calories consumed Thursday - Saturday (and the occasional Tuesday) are from $7 bottles of Yellowtail Moscato, and in no way, shape, or form is she fazed by this. All forms of hate mail and date party inquiries can be sent to drunkbutnotinlove@gmail.com

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