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How To Embrace Your Inner Confident Bitch

How To Embrace Your Inner Confident Bitch

Confidence is the X-factor that is vital to any woman’s survival in her social world. It helps you make friends, it helps you land jobs, and it definitely helps you fill your bed if you’re in the mood for that, rather than staying in to stalk a hot dude who doesn’t even know you exist. Being confident will change your life. I mean, don’t be the girl praising herself in the mirror every time she comes across it — everyone wants that arrogant son of a bitch to get fat — I’m just saying a little pep in your step never hurt anyone.

If some tragic event occurs, whether you just went through a rough breakup or your new hairdresser gave you atrocious highlights, confidence becomes invaluable. But how do you recover from something so life changing? Even if you’re just feeling like shit and drowning in insecurities, how do you boost your self-assurance? Here are some tricks of the trade to help exude fiery confidence in any circumstance.

1. Strut Your Stuff
So much confidence stems from the way you walk. Strip off those pants; replace them with a mini skirt, lather up your Victoria’s Secret legs with lotion, and strut out the door. Even if you are in Nike shorts, there’s nothing wrong with pretending you have on a Tom Ford outfit. With your head up, a toss of your hair, and an alluring grin, you will feel like you belong on the A-list. Just don’t walk with your nose so high in the air that you look like someone from Dr. Seuss’s How The Grinch Stole Christmas. People will assume you’re either some pretentious bitch or there’s something wrong with your neck.

2. Watch Your Language
“Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who’s the fairest of them all? Oh, wait. That’s me, duh.” As it would appear, this could be considered extremely cocky, mainly because it kind of is. Nobody loves a Kanye wannabe, but at the same time, you totally secretly admire his confidence. When you speak like you have it all together, people will begin to believe you do, and in return you’ll convince yourself you do too. The very nature of being a “bad bitch” is this basic ingredient: confident conversations. Without it, you really won’t have the ability to be any type of bad bitch at all.

3. Listen To Your Jams
Songs have this powerful way of influencing your mood, kind of like how hormones influence our vaginas. It’s inevitable. If you listen to too much Adele, you’ll sob tears resembling Niagara Falls after enough time passes. If you listen to too much Kendrick Lamar, you’ll suddenly start talking like you belong in a Friday movie. And if you jam out to people like Beyoncé or Miley, you begin to feel like 1 million bucks. So if you’re looking for an ego boost, pump up the songs that literally say how flawless you are in the lyrics.

4. Show Off Your Better Attributes
In order to be a slightly more confident chick, one must also show off your favorite attributes, because in order to properly shine inside and out, you (most of us) need to feel good about our appearance. Do you have big tits? Let Mary-Kate and Ashley out every once in a while. Does your hair match Blake Lively’s? Spend a little extra time prepping it. And if you have a Kardashian ass, don’t be scared to dress in a way that shows it off. When you look like a dime piece, you’ll feel like it too.

5. Do That “One Thing”
You have been on this planet for X amount of years, and by now have (hopefully) figured out what makes you just feel like a star. For me, I feel awesome when I convince myself I look like bronze goddess. I might be a tad sunburnt, but when I spend enough time in the sun, I feel 10 times better about my life. Not to mention, I know damn good and well many of you feel better when you get your hair done. If you’re a brunette and have always desired blonde hair, what’s actually stopping you? Just go for it already. And if you don’t like it, go back to your natural shade. For many of us, shopping and splurging on new shoes that we can’t afford makes us feel like we can take on the world one step at a time. I have a metaphor for this “one confidence thing”: it’s like sex. Each of us are turned on by something different. But in the end, if we get what we want, we still orgasm, which is the ultimate goal, right?

6. Fake It ‘Til You Make It
A good friend of mine once told me some of the most important advice all girls need to hear: “Even if you aren’t the most confident person, just fake it until you make it.” I shit you not; this trick is legit. You hear it all the time, but that’s because it fucking works. Not going to lie, at first I doubted this pointer. But soon enough I became that douche that insisted that my presence was charity. I’ve settled down by now, but that’s where my credibility stems from. And if you begin to fake it until you make it, I promise you can be that douche too, even though I hope you won’t take it that far. Remember there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Don’t overdo it.

And if none of the above work for you, Jose Cuervo and Don Julio will always be there for you.

Image via Shutterstock

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Kellie Stritz

Kellie, spelled with an "ie," practically resides at Starbucks even though they have yet to spell her name correctly. She's obsessed with the color pink, Elle Woods, and Bitmoji's. Her biggest accomplishment is breaking the record within her sorority for how many standards hearings she has had without getting kicked out. She spends her free time trying to stay tan (i.e. sunburnt) and stalking people on social media.

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