“He just ditched me. We had these plans for a week, but he’d rather get drunk with his brothers than go to dinner with his girlfriend. He promised me he would. I can’t even remember the last time he took me out. I don’t know what to do about him.”
This is possibly the hundredth time your best friend has complained about her shitty boyfriend, and at this point, she’s starting to sound like a broken record. It’s the same thing over and over again. He never follows through. He thinks his friends are more important. He puts no effort into the relationship. And every single time he fucks up, guess who has to hear about it? You. Your best friend comes to you to vent because what are her other options? Talk to him about it? No way.
At first, you were supportive. You sympathized with her and told her that he doesn’t mean to hurt her when he ditches their plans for something better with his bros. You told her to talk to him about it if it’s really bothering her. You were kind and understanding, in the beginning.
But now it’s been six months. Maybe even a year. Those stupid little mistakes he made in the beginning? Those weren’t accidents. They were character traits. You’ve realized over time that this guy doesn’t care about anyone but himself. He’s an asshole, and the only reason he’s stayed with your friend so long is because it’s convenient. You’ve known him long enough and hung out enough times to realize who he truly is: a huge dick.
You want to do the right thing. You want to save your best friend from wasting her prime dating years with this piece of human garbage. If anyone’s going to do it, it has to be you. You have to break it to your best friend that she’s dating an asshole. Here’s how to do it.
1. Realize What A Stupid Idea That Is
I gotcha with the title, didn’t I? I could beat around the bush and tell you to have a talk with her alone, remind her of all the things he’s done that’s made him a bad boyfriend, and tell her that she needs to dump him. Logically, it makes sense, but I’m here to tell you that it won’t work. It won’t work because she’s not thinking logically, she’s thinking emotionally. The way he makes her feel, the way he treats her when no one is around, all the moments they’ve shared.
Bottom line: there is no good way to tell your friend that her boyfriend sucks. Honestly. To her, one of the most important people in her life is telling her that she needs to get rid of the other most important person in her life. It’s not going to work. It’s only going to make her feel more confused, sad, and alone.
2. Do It Anyway
You’re not going to listen to me, of fucking course. You think you can get through to her. You think she’ll listen to you, you’ve been best friends for two, three, even ten years. She has to believe you.
3. Fail Miserably
Best case scenario: she takes your concerns seriously and promises to really think about whether or not she sees a future with him. She continues dating the asshole and now it’s awkward between you and your best friend because she knows how you truly feel about the most important guy in her life.
Worst case scenario: she sees this as an attack on her and her relationship and gets mad at you for butting into it. You have a fight you may or may not recover from. She continues to date the asshole in order to prove you wrong, except now she has no one to turn to when things get tough.
4. Suck It Up And Be A Good Friend
Instead of altering the very essence of your friendship forever by telling your best friend that she’s dating an asshole, just suck it up and listen to her vent. I know, I know, it’s annoying and you just wish you could shake her and get her out of this spell, but you can’t. Give her the best advice you can, but never force her hand. If this guy is really a piece of work, she’ll realize it eventually. That’s the only way anything is ever going to change — if she realizes it on her own.
Who knows, one day she may just wake up and think “WTF am I doing with this asshole?” and break up with him. When that day comes, you’ll be right there to help her through the breakup process and eat cookie dough ice cream on the couch and go out looking for rebound boys for her. .