We have all been there and done that. Yes, I mean have a hookup, or a friends with benefits situation. For a while it is just great…awesome sex (or, you know, at least okay sex), he’s a good looking guy, maybe the president of your favorite fraternity? Either way, having a FWB or a steady hookup is nice, it’s safe, and everyone does it…
But as they say, all good things must come to an end. Of all of the hookups and friends with benefits I have had, I can promise you, zero of them have turned into relationships. If you have become exclusive with a FWB or hookup, I give you mad props, girl! Teach me your ways! But…if you’re a normal human with a normal vagina, odds are, there will come a day when your friend with a penis decides he is done. He hasn’t texted, he hasn’t called, and he won’t reply to any of your tweets. Shit sucks.
So, what the hell happened?
1. You fell for him and he ran away. (don’t lie…we all do it at some point!)
2. He found someone else. (I’ve been here so many times I’m practically the Mayor of Abandonedville.)
Those are the quite literally the only two reasons I know of that men stop going to their hookup pal. Unless you fell for him and told him how you felt, you did nothing wrong. People move on, which is what you need to do too. Take this opportunity to learn from your foolish, foolish ways. In the immortal words of Mahatma Gandhi, “next time, don’t fuck up.” The following are some guidelines to ensure that not only does your side piece never leave you, but to ensure that you are the best hookup buddy of all time.
1. Make sure you are ready for a non-commitment hookup.
If you are looking for true love, you are not going to find it with the next guy you hookup with. You need to date if you’re looking for love. If you fall for people easily like I do, I suggest not getting it on casually…I really only causes you pain and embarrassment.
2. Find a guy that you wouldn’t imagine yourself with.
Why, you ask? Well I’ll tell you: if you find a guy who is dumb as a rock, and is not someone you would see yourself with long term, it will be REALLY hard to fall for this guy! Just make sure he has the goods you’re looking for…and, you know, a penis that isn’t crooked.
3. Have an “I do not care” attitude about hooking up.
This goes along with the second tip…if you do not care deeply about the guy (at least care about him a little!) it will make it easier to not fall for him and slip and fall into some feelings.
4. Don’t be desperate.
By this, I mean, please do not stalk him. He is not your boyfriend, he is just a guy you randomly hook up with to relieve some stress and anxiety. Do not text his phone and just talk, this is how people get crushes — getting to know each other. I know it sounds cold, but if you are just looking for a hookup, the less you know about his personal life, the better. You need him for one reason and one reason only: sex.
5. Do not cuddle after sex.
Finish and be finished, ammirite?
Be smart out there, ladies.