There are a lot of things that keep me up at night: Who killed JKF? Do blondes really have more fun? Why am I still alone watching Netflix if my horoscope said I’d find love sometime this month? Do people really consider almonds a snack? Whatever happened to Lizzie McGuire’s little brother?
Another puzzling thought that has me tossing and turning comes after I meet a guy: How much do I like him? Is he worth pursuing? Or at the very least, going to his less than mediocre fraternity band party Friday? I like to figure this out because formal is coming up and also October weddings always seemed nice.
So I’ve come up with a very scientific scale to figure this out:
The date party was fun. Well, after I took shots. But God I hope he’s not mad I made out with the pledge that drove us home. My best bet is to pretend I have amnesia.
I’ll send him a Facebook request, but only so I can tag myself in that picture we took together last night. He was really photogenic, even if he did have the personality of toast. I was more turned on by the Michelobs I was drinking than him.
Well, my stomach does do that satisfied flip when he likes my Insta, but it could just from getting another like. Or maybe it’s the margarita(s) from last night coming back up. Either way, I’m pretty sure any feeling he gives me was alcohol induced.
He does give me someone to text when I’m on Vyvanse and no one is responding in the group message. Then again he talks about politics too much. Like I get it, it’s important or whatever, but go back to talking about how great I am again. Weird I think I only liked him because he liked me.
He’s got a good sense of humor (laughs at my jokes), very genuine (told me I looked pretty last night), and also generous (gave me a shacker shirt with no problem). But if I’m taller than him in heels, I wouldn’t be heartbroken about having to not text him back.
Bought me drinks, didn’t have social anxiety around my friends despite them being drunk animals, and featured me on his Snapchat. I could get over the fact that he talked about his SoundCloud for like fifteen minutes, but he lost me at his Physical Education career.
Oh no, this one is at the “I-care-what-he-thinks” level. Shit, I can’t believe I saw him at the gym AFTER I ran. I can’t believe I waved like that at him. And then said that. That’s so embarrassing. I looked like one of those creepy dolls on that Disney ride “oh heeyyy Luke it’s a AMALL WORLD.” God, he’s so cute, should I text him? No, don’t make it weird.
I could definitely hang out sober with him. I could maybe even sleep with him sober. With the lights off, of course. We’re not engaged for God’s sake.
It’s sorcery that he could get me to find him interesting for longer than two weeks. Absolute madness. Like maybe we aren’t dating, but I’ll definitely stop making out with strangers for him. Okay whatever you do, don’t go soft and tweet about him. You will scare him and he will never commit. Okay maybe I should just RT something like “life is good” since I just left his place. That way he knows I like him but like in a mysterious, “maybe she’s just happy cause we had Chipotle for dinner” way?
He’s the one. Now to have the “what are we” talk and lock that dick down.
So, scale of 1-10, how much do you like him?.