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Hot Soccer Players Are Now Banned From Getting Laid, Public Outcry Ensues

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With a tournament full of guys like Ronaldo, Giroud, and Dempsey, it’s no secret that the World Cup soccer players are among the hottest men on the planet. Unfortunately for some teams, it looks like actual soccer goals are the only kind of scoring action they’ll see down in Brazil this year. In other words, coaches are instituting strict World Cup sex policies for their players.

Even though it has been proven that sex represents no physical detriment to athletic performance, coaches in countries like Mexico, Chile, and Russia aren’t convinced. As a result, they have completely banned player sex for the entire duration of the tournament.

Other countries have opted for more “complicated” rules. These Joe Jonas-esque countries have sex policies in place, but behind closed doors, it’s a different story. France permits certain types of sex, and the variations allowed depend on the duration and frequency. Nigeria only allows sex with wives–no girlfriends. Costa Rica will only give the green light after the second round of the tournament. And as for the home country of Brazil? Those guys are permitted to engage in whichever sexual activity the player sees fit, so long as it isn’t too “acrobatic.”

The good news is that players hailing from countries like Germany, Australia, Italy, England, and the United States are free from these rules. Their World Cup sex restriction policy is simple–sex isn’t restricted. Now if that doesn’t prove that we really are the land of the free and the home of the brave, I don’t know what does.

Check out the full list below.

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[via Quartz]

[via She Knows]

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Drunk but not in love

(@DrunkNOTinLove) is a die-hard Splenda addict who requires a constant supply of caffeine and male attention to make it through the day. After graduating with her degree in Economics, she now focuses her energy on adding a "Home" to her degree title by perfecting the "intelligent drunk," and conning a banker into marrying her one day. Originally from New England, she is a hardcore Boston sports fan, but only when boys are around. Almost all of her calories consumed Thursday - Saturday (and the occasional Tuesday) are from $7 bottles of Yellowtail Moscato, and in no way, shape, or form is she fazed by this. All forms of hate mail and date party inquiries can be sent to drunkbutnotinlove@gmail.com

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