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Horniest Teenagers Ever Now Send Each Other Kinky Sex Messages In Code

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I really hate teenagers. Hell, even when I was a teenager, I hated them. I was the 17-year-old girl who shopped at Loft and wore turtlenecks to parties. Coincidentally, I was also the girl who never let you copy her homework. Sorry, I sucked, I know.

Even when I was in the throes of adolescence, I was perpetually annoyed by my peers. They were dumb, they were reckless, and they were fucking horny all the time. Case in point: a girl I know had to go to the hospital our junior year because she got a hotdog stuck up her hoo-ha. A HOTDOG. It physically pains me that I was not present to hear that conversation with the doctor. Like, “Hey, doc. I am so inexperienced and stupid that I quite literally tried to masturbate with a hotdog. And it didn’t even work! Should’ve used a bratwurst. Anyway, it’s stuck and you need to take it out. Also, don’t tell my mom.”

Unfortunately for society, teenagers are still just as reckless and horny, though I think they might have gotten a little smarter over the years. I guess instead of using processed lunchmeat to get off, they’re now using each other–and they’re talking about it in secret code. That’s right, secret code. And they’re not just talking about sex. Oh, no. These little demons have a whole language dedicated to talking about things they’re not supposed to be talking about. Drugs? Check. Alcohol? Check. Hiding shit from their parents? Check. Unfortunately for them, however, the list of words/acronyms/codes/whatever was just released to the “general public” (I’m making this sound more important than it is) and now, parents everywhere are privy to knowing what sort of weird shit their kids are discussing (and doing) on a daily basis.

Take a look below at the weird things kids are talking about these days, and then share this column with every mom you know. I have some last-minute Christmas shopping that needs to happen this weekend, and it would be really great if every teenager in America was grounded, and thus, not at the mall.

  1. IWSN – I want sex now
  2. GNOC – Get naked on camera
  3. NIFOC – Naked in front of computer
  4. PIR – Parent in room
  5. CU46 – See you for sex
  6. 53X – Sex
  7. 9 – Parent watching
  8. 99 – Parent gone
  9. 1174 – Party meeting place
  10. THOT – That hoe over there
  11. CID – Acid (the drug)
  12. Broken – Hungover from alcohol
  13. 420 – Marijuana
  14. POS – Parent over shoulder
  15. SUGARPIC – Suggestive or erotic photo
  16. KOTL – Kiss on the lips
  17. (L)MIRL – Let’s meet in real life
  18. PRON – Porn
  19. TDTM – Talk dirty to me
  20. 8 – Oral sex
  21. CD9 – Parents around/Code 9
  22. IPN – I’m posting naked
  23. LH6 – Let’s have sex
  24. WTTP – Want to trade pictures?
  25. DOC – Drug of choice
  26. TWD – Texting while driving
  27. GYPO – Get your pants off
  28. KPC– Keeping parents clueless

Image via Shutterstock

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Catie Warren

From Rush To Rehab (@catie__warren) is a semi-fuctioning adult who has been celebrating her 21st birthday for the past three years. She attended college in the nation’s capital and to this day is angry that Pit Bull lied to her, as you cannot, in fact, party on The White House lawn. Prior to her success with TSM, Rehab was most famous for being featured in her hometown newspaper regarding her 5th grade Science Fair Project for which she did not place. In her spare time, she enjoys attributing famous historical quotes to Marilyn Monroe and getting in fights with thirteen year olds on twitter. Email: catie@grandex.co

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