Have you not had your daily doctor recommend dose of crazy yet? Then you’re in luck, because Delusional McFrankenBoobs (AKA Heidi Montag) has crawled out of the proverbial gutter to tell the world that she forgives Lauren Conrad “for trying to ruin my life.”
Heidi made this declaration against our patron saint of Pinterest during a “forgiveness therapy exercise” on “Marriage Bootcamp: Reality Stars,” which she and her husband, Spencer Pratt, currently star in. Heidi stated, “I was the best friend you’ve ever had. Lauren, I forgive you for being so insecure in your life and so frustrated for everything you went through that you had to blame it on me because you thought I was easier. I forgive you for trying to ruin my life … I forgive you for everything.”
Now, for those of you who aren’t fluent in psychotic, this sounds totally insane. And for those of you who are fluent in psychotic, this still sounds totally insane. So, final verdict: totally insane. I know that we, as a society, have thrown around the phrase “I, like, invented her” somewhat haphazardly for the past decade, but if it applies to anyone, it applies to Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag. Lauren put Heidi on the map! She didn’t ruin her, she made her. Without her, Heidi would still be living in Colorado with her original human face (although, when I put it that way, it kind of does sound like Lauren ruined Heidi’s life). In terms of life-ruining events for Heidi, I think the rank is more likely, in descending order, being born stupid, marrying Spencer, undergoing the “Pimp My Ride” equivalent of plastic surgery, dropping out of college, bleaching eyebrows, attempting a music career, still wearing Juicy Couture as recently as 2012, and honestly the list goes on and on before we’re even near Lauren.
I wanted to research this article by watching “The Hills” on Netflix, but unfortunately, the show hasn’t been available to stream for a couple years now. I’m still not over it. Just like Heidi, apparently..
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