Gossip Girl Here: Lonely Boy Is Married

Lonely Boy

Gossip Girl here!

Your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan’s elite. It looks like one of our beloved members has gone off the deep and made the impulse and irrational decision to marry a vegan. Looks like Lonely Boy isn’t going to be so lonely anymore.

In pure Lonely Boy style, Dan Humphrey (also known as Penn Badgley in real life), tied the knot to Domino Kirk. So per usual, I had to dig up some dirt on the new bride, since we know nothing about her since she’s not one of Manhattan’s elite. Domino is the sister of “GIRLS” star Jemima Kirke. Isn’t that so like lonely boy? To date a notch below a B-list celebrity to try to get inside? He always was an outsider. Always will be.

They thought they could keep the wedding a big secret from yours truly. Don’t they know that the new, millennial Gossip Girl keeps tabs open on all Instagram accounts? All the time?

✨Married ✨

A post shared by Domino Kirke (@dominokirke) on

In a power ranking of whose love life has actually turned out the best? We have to give it to my day one ladies, Serena and B.

Not happy at all… ☺️

A post shared by Blake Lively (@blakelively) on

But don’t worry, Lonely Boy, at least you’re not last on the list. We have no idea who Chuck and Nate are dating. For my sake, I hope they’re both single.

You know you love me,
XOXO Gossip Girl

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