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Girls Who Want To Impress Guys With Sports Knowledge: Do This

Hey, Girls Who Want To Impress Guys With Sports Knowledge: Do This

At the risk of being called an anti-feminist, sexist bitch, I’m just going to come out and play on a few gender roles, because while times are changing and whatever, this is how times are right now. First thing’s first: You should not care about sports more than your guy does. You can love a specific team and even a specific sport more than he does, but as an entire entity, you should not like sports in general more than your boyfriend does. The male ego is fragile, and while he may think he wants a girl who likes football as much as he does, he doesn’t. It’s emasculating. He wants you to know enough not to ask questions and like it enough not to change the channel, but not so much that you’re the girl screaming at the TV or correcting him in front of his friends.

Honestly, even if you don’t care about impressing him (Why are you here, by the way? This is literally about how to impress him.) or hurting his ego, knowing more about sports than he does makes you look like a try-hard. Guys don’t like the girl who seems to have studied up on the game, and nine times out of ten, if you know too much, that’s how it will seem. Plus, showing everyone up is a one-way ticket to never being invited again, because his friends will find you annoying. Trust.

If you’re getting pouty and teary-eyed reading this, and you’re thinking, “but my boyfriend loves that I know sports,” please give me your boyfriend’s number so the next time you drag him shopping, I can tell him to say something along these lines to you: “Are you seriously going to buy that? It is very obviously a cheap knockoff of the Alexander McQueen on the runway two years ago. And chambray? Really? Nobody fucking wears chambray anymore. I mean, everyone wears chambray, but what I’m trying to say is that it’s about to go to the same place chevron went to die six months ago. Oh, cute. A chevron clutch. And for the love of God, please don’t tell me you were actually considering buying a dress with a belt attached to it. IS THIS AMATEUR HOUR?”

See? You want a guy who’s well-dressed, but not one who knows more about fashion than you do. Follow the same mindset about sports.

My boyfriend knows football. He lived it, actually. I enjoy watching the game and rooting for teams I like. It’s fun. The only part that matters, though, is that I know enough about the game to not make an ass out of myself — not that I actually have football knowledge. If you don’t actually have sports knowledge, follow a few simple guidelines.

Avoid asking stupid questions.
What is a stupid question? Literally almost anything you want to ask is going to be a stupid question. If you’re interested in learning, educate yourself on some of the basics. Ask your dad, because he has to love you, and don’t ask him during a game he cares about. A simple breakdown of the rules will do wonders.

Know his team’s rival and know “your” team’s rival.
You: “Ohhh myyyy Goddd, I love the Red Wings!
Him: “That’s awesome! Shit though, how about the Blackhawks winning lately?
You: “I LOVE THEM, TOO! HOW CRAZY!”

That’s it. You just broke up. You’re public imbecile number one.

Don’t ask him to change the channel.
Why? Because he’s not going to. You wouldn’t change a Real Housewives marathon for him, and you damn well shouldn’t, so don’t ask him to get rid of the one thing he gives a shit about for you. You may think an impromptu blow job will make him pay attention to you. It won’t. Just accept defeat. Idea: If it’s really that miserable, don’t hang out with him during game time.

Essentially, though, the only thing you need to do is not be the dumbest girl in the room. It’s really as simple as that.

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AlphaKat

Product of an East coast trust fund, born and bred in the South, currently residing in the Midwest, destined for the West. When I'm not silently judging people behind my Ray-Ban's while sipping green iced tea, I'm getting a better GPA and having a better blood type than you. I drive stick-shift and if you don't and you're a guy I probably hate you.

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