Girls Are Now Buying Themselves Engagement Rings Because We’re Just That Desperate

Engagement ring

I’ve wanted an engagement ring my entire life. Seriously, I came out of the womb looking at the doctor like, “Okay bro, you ready to commit?” I know how lame and desperate that sounds, but that has yet to stop be from following countless ring accounts, obsessing over gorgeous proposals, and adding to my wedding Pinterest board like I’m actually, ya know, getting married. There’s just something about that glittering, sparkling ring that says “someone loves me enough to drop mad money on an accessory for me” that I crave. Oh. And like, the whole love shit. Anyway, for those lucky bitches out there who have the fiancé and the ring, congrats! We’re sooooooo happy for you (die). But for the rest of us just sitting around with our naked ring fingers, well, it feels lowkey shitty.

So, of course, someone decided to monopolize on our sadness. The company Fred and Far has come out with “self-engagement rings” and I don’t know whether to buy a million of them or yell at every female in the world who gets them.

A photo posted by Fred🔻Far (@fredandfar) on

One on hand (ha, geddit), this reeks of desperation. Just like when we made fun of the purity ring our virgin friend Susan wore (we get it, Susan, you’re better than us), these are sort of sad. Sure, the message is, like, “I love myself and I don’t need no man.” And that’s great. But do you know who wears them? Girls who have no man. If they had a choice they’d trade the fake pinky diamond for a real one and a human man in a heartbeat.

A photo posted by Fred🔻Far (@fredandfar) on

On the other hand, however, they’re pretty freaking cute. The purpose of them, according to the website, is to reclaim who you are in a society where, unless you’re a Mrs., your value isn’t as high. They even have this somewhat-culty poem (essay? note?) about what these rings ~mean.~

Reclaim yourself.
Wear a symbol of belonging.
To yourself.
Redeem yourself.
Carve out a moment to delight.
To discover.
To be.
Remember yourself.
You’re the catalyst.
You’re the cause.
You’re the one.
Engage yourself.
In life. In love. In health.
Revive yourself.
Shed the weight.
Of uncertainty.
Of responsibility.
Of pain.
Of disappointment.
Of pressure.
Commit to something better.
Choose happiness.
Choose love.
Choose power.
Choose fulfillment.
Choose choice.
Choose yourself.
You’re worthy.

So if you’re in the market for 1.5 karat, lab-crafted white sapphire ring (yeah, it’s not even a diamond) that acts as a little reminder that you’re alone, it only costs $150 for silver (way cheaper than a real boyfriend), or $325 for gold (rose, white, or yellow). Which is the price of a massage, two mani/pedis, or a whole bunch of Taco Bell.

A photo posted by Fred🔻Far (@fredandfar) on

And even though they’re so lame, I’ll still buy one. Because they’re cute and trendy, and because I’m a strong, independent woman who don’t need no man. Unless of course someone wants to propose. Then fuck this.

[via Elite Daily]

Image via Instagram

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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