We’ve all been there. You’re minding your own business as you mentally plan your wedding and put hummus on just about everything, and then your boyfriend bounces into the room, full of excitement. He starts babbling about this trip he’s going on with all his buddies, and your heart instantly drops. It’s not that you don’t trust him, it’s just that, like, you don’t trust all of the other girls out there.
If only there was a way to ensure all women stay away from your man when he goes off on vacation (or to run errands, go to the gym, etc.) without you. Well, luckily, a genius 20-year-old named Abbie Bartlett has come up with just the thing.
When her boyfriend of six years, Leon Connolly, decided to jet off to Ibiza (yeah, I don’t know where that is, either–whatever) for a vacation, Abbie decided she wasn’t going to deal with any female competition. So, she created a little “bon voyage” gift for him to wear on his trip. Behold: the cock block of all cock blocks, the possessive girlfriend gift of all possessive girlfriend gifts, the shirt of all shirts.
Abbie presented Leon with a shirt covered in pictures of the two of them together. And it doesn’t stop there. In case people don’t get the hint, it also sports the ever-inviting message of, “I love my girlfriend Abbie, I hate the girls in Ibiza, so please stay away from me.”
Isn’t love grand?
Apparently, both of the lovebirds have laughed off the situation. Abbie says it was a joke, and that she totally didn’t mean for him to wear it. And that she trusts him completely. LOL.
Doing the old “I was just kidding” thing, huh? Smart move, lady. Leon, being a good sport, claims he knew it was a joke and that he is “happy enough to go along with it.” They both “trust each other completely” and they would never cheat on each other.
Unfortunately, the plan might have backfired, as people are now telling Abbie that because Leon and his shirt are getting so much attention, girls might seek him out, because, you know, we like the challenge of stealing boyfriends. And because girls are actually the devil. But, because Leon is great, he said, “Abbie is the only girl for me and we both know that!”
Sweet words, but my theory? Leon is just saying all this stuff so he can go to Ibiza and get far, far away from his seemingly psycho, soon-to-be ex and get with all of the women who will line up to get with him. After doing a quick Google search, Ibiza seems terrifying. Located in Spain, it is considered to be the party capital of the world by some, and it’s known for having beautiful, nude women. Apparently, people have sex everywhere, too.
AKA it’s the absolute worst place for your boyfriend to go on vacation without you.
So, like, we get it now, Abbie. And all of us here at Total Sorority Move support you. We support you so much, in fact, that we’d like to add to the idea. Not only are we thinking about making these for when our boyfriends go on trips without us, but now when our friend moves to a new city or gets a new job, we can make similar ones with the message, “She doesn’t need any new friends. She loves the ones she already has.” And for when our littles are about to take littles, we’ll come up with something like, “Sure, you’re part of the family, but she’ll always love me more.” Now if only we can get all the guys at Rowdy Gentlemen on board.
Thank you, Abbie, for not only showing us what true love and trust looks like, but for giving us a new way to claim our territory when Facebook smothering just isn’t enough. Don’t cheat in Ibiza, Leon. The whole Internet world is watching.