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Faking An Orgasm Is The Worst Thing You Can Do For Your Sex Life

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Ladies, it’s time we talk about sex. I get that there are a lot of times when a woman just doesn’t orgasm. It doesn’t mean the sex isn’t great. It just means that it’s not happening at that time. But sometimes, when it’s just not happening, he just really sucks. Maybe he kisses like a golden retriever. Since you’re basically Mother Teresa and you don’t want to tell him that his bed game needs work, what do you do? You fake it. And yeah, that’s nice–you’re, like, a humanitarian or something for it, and he feels like a sex god afterward, but are you really doing him any favors?

When you’re faking it because it’s just not happening, that’s okay. It doesn’t happen all the time. However, if you’re NOT orgasming more than you are orgasming, you need to look at the compatibility you have with your partner. Sexual compatibility is a big thing in any relationship. If it feels like trying to go down a waterslide without any water, you guys are doing something wrong. Not every encounter needs to be that passionate, intense love-making that you see in the movies, but at some point, you need to ask yourself if this is the kind of sex you want to have for the rest of your life. If it’s not, it’s time to stop faking and start talking.

If he’s doing something wrong, you have to tell him. Don’t go around and be an ass about it, but occasionally say things like, “I really like it when you…” or “It feels so good when you…” Take control! Too many women complain about how bad a guy is at sex without ever doing anything about it. Contrary to popular belief, you don’t actually just have to lie there and take it. You’re a sexy bed panther and it’s time to let your wild side rule the bedroom. Think of it as community service. You’re doing every girl he sleeps with in the future a favor. Look at it like this: all women are part of the same team here. The end game? To teach guys what works and what most certainly doesn’t (cough, cough: butt stuff). When you’re giving him little tips, you’re actually doing all womankind a favor.

Sometimes, there are just guys who you will never be compatible with sexually. Maybe the things the two of you are into are just waaaaaaaaay too different. Sometimes he’s just not…endowed enough for you. (While it may not be the size of the boat that matters, I’d like to see you cross the Atlantic in a pedal boat. It just doesn’t work.) Those are things that you just can’t do anything about. But if it’s a matter of technique, help the man (and all of us other girls) out and let him know what he’s doing right and wrong.

I spent almost a year in a relationship with a guy I had no sexual compatibility with, and it sucked. Not only was he so small that he actually bought a special thing to make his penis bigger (imagine something like a pencil topper, but for his dick) but he also spent the entire time poking and prodding until eventually I just got tired and bored and faked it so he would roll over and go to sleep. I even thought about pretending to be a narcoleptic who fell asleep every time she experienced sexual arousal just to avoid sex entirely. Looking back now, I understand that not being able to get it right in the bedroom was probably a sign of some other problems, too–especially with the way we communicated. If you’re not comfortable talking to your boyfriend, friend with benefits, or whatever you call him about sex, you probably shouldn’t be having it. I’ve watched relationships fall apart because people didn’t sit down and clearly communicate what they wanted out of their sex life. So talk to your guy about what he’s doing right and what you want to see him do. Tell him what you want so he’ll know. Listen when he talks, too…unless it’s about butt stuff, because that shit’s scary. No pun intended.

Image via Shutterstock

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