Fact: Hot Dads Are The Holy Grail Of Hot Guys

Hot Dads

Stacy’s mom changed the game forever. She gave young boys a perma-semi with her ever-popular exiting-the-pool-in-a-bikini music video. She didn’t seem to have a real job, so she could spend the majority of her week oogling the underage neighbor as he cut the grass shirtless. Women everywhere became green with envy. While we must admit that Stacy’s mom most definitely had it going on, all the hype left a population of young females prowling for their own next door cougar…but Stacy’s dad never appeared. This doesn’t mean we weren’t looking for hot dads, but most of us seem to have forgotten about the eighth wonder of the world, and we are seriously missing out on all the silver fox smokeshows.

First of all, no one should think that a dad or an older man is “gross” or “creepy,” because young men have been hitting on moms for decades and nobody seems to care. If it was weird for older adults to be attractive, there would be an abundance of unemployed pool boys and cart girls, and adults would wither away and die at the age of 42. Yes, it may seem wrong to be attracted to an older man, but, alas, that’s half the fun. You’re just window shopping, and it doesn’t hurt to just look in the store and see what’s for sale. It just happens to be that what’s for sale is dressed like a Sperrys ad and wants to give you great financial advice. While sitting in his speedboat. Shirtless. What was I talking about?

One of the best attributes of hot dads is their style. Take a look at the TFM page–all you’ll see is young men just waiting until they hit the ripe age of 45 and can wear nothing but crew neck sweatshirts, shin high socks, and spend the majority of the day standing around doing practice swings when they’re nowhere close to a golf course. They’re fewer than 20 years from retirement, and they’re just coasting along until they can literally do nothing with their lives besides scope out even hotter 20-something girls and spend half their time on a pontoon boat. Hot dads have an impeccable style that cannot be matched, because they’re radiant with their IDGAF glow. They’re TDTC (too dad too care).

Take a look at the Matthew McConaugheys and Channing Tatums of the world. Yes, they were always attractive, but put a little kid in their arms and a diaper bag over their shoulder and women begin to swoon. The female mind is infatuated with imagining men as fathers, and hot dads have already achieved that, perfected it, and want you to drool over their quarter-zip sweaters as they spend a Sunday afternoon at Whole Foods. They are the definition of eye candy, because they most likely have a package or two of fruit snacks stored away–and what we wouldn’t do to get a taste of their Jolly Rancher.

So, hot dad enthusiasts everywhere, take advantage of the slight salt and pepper hair, the ample amount of 401(k), and the late nights spent at the country club, because these guys–nay, men–are like fine bottles of wine: they will only get better (and more adult) with age. In a couple decades, you will have lost your lust for the Clooneys of the world and will be searching for your own, personal pool boy, and the sexual world will finally come full circle.

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Babe Lincoln

Babe Lincoln (@Babe__Lincoln) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move and spends the majority of her time knocking back Franzia and introducing herself as "the female Johnny Manziel."

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