Facebook Launches New ‘Reaction’ Emojis, But There’s Still No Dislike Button

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Does anyone still use Facebook? Like actually still use Facebook? Personally, I only log on to post bullshit opinions and pictures that are strictly for my family to see. The only social media I care about are Snapchat and Instagram. But seeing as half (all) of that content include me in my underwear, underage drinking, or the dick of the week (or all three if it had been a reaaaaally good weekend), it’s no surprise that I keep my family as far away from that shit as possible. So enter: Facebook. Facebook allows me to hide behind the thin veil of lies that I string together in an effort to make me appear to be a semi-functioning adult.

But why all the hate towards Facebook? Because it’s boring. There, I said it. People have the ability to bitch for as long as they want and frankly, that power is being constantly abused. At least Twitter limits your character count. Facebook also allows you to post thousands of pictures of your dumbass kids that literally no one else cares about. And the worst part about all of this is that I can not express how much this all annoys me. I mean, yeah, I could comment something along the lines of “shut the fuck up,” but that admits to everyone that I am the mega bitch they assume I am, and I’m just not ready to make that commitment yet.

But that’s all about to change! After literal years of the Facebook user population begging for a dislike button, Facebook gave us, well, not a dislike button. Seriously, Facebook listens and pleases about as well as my ex. No wonder that stupid site is sinking.

What they are providing us with, however, are these weird little “reactions”. According to BuzzfeedNews, these unsightly emoji type buttons can be used to express how you “feel” about a post. That bitch in Theta just got dumped? Pass right over that like button and “love” that shit. Yet ANOTHER one of your friends got engaged and you’re now left to accept the sorry bitter hell that is your perpetual single life? Why work on becoming a better person when you can use that time deciding between the “sad” (for the weak) or “angry” (for the bold) reactions?

Today we’re launching a pilot test of Reactions — a more expressive Like button. As you can see, it’s not a “dislike” button, though we hope it addresses the spirit of this request more broadly. We studied which comments and reactions are most commonly and universally expressed across Facebook, then worked to design an experience around them that was elegant and fun. Starting today Ireland and Spain can start loving, wow-ing, or expressing sympathy to posts on Facebook by hovering or long-pressing the Like button wherever they see it. We’ll use the feedback from this to improve the feature and hope to roll it out to everyone soon.

Posted by Chris Cox on Thursday, October 8, 2015

Personally, I miss the good old days when shade was thrown using actual words. Call me old fashioned, but selecting one of five little faces to express yourself is not exactly poetry. But hell, what do I know. Except for the fact that these “reactions” are ugly AF. Seriously, they straight up make me uncomfortable. Why? Because they resemble the emojis featured by android users, not the iPhone which I hold near and dear to my heart. I’m sorry, but I refuse to express myself via the emoji of the lower class. I don’t speak poor.

Thanks for nothing, Facebook. Maybe next year. But until then, I’ll just go back to passive aggressively liking pictures on Instagram. Like an adult.

[via Facebook]

Image via Facebook

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Blondie excels at being an underachiever. She is currently trying to add an extra year onto her undergrad so she can continue to down $7 bottles of wine in an environment that encourages her erratic behavior. After graduation, she has big plans to flunk out of a prestigious law school. Email her compliments and Netflix suggestions at EDIT** if you suggest Black Mirror she's already seen it. So stop suggesting it. Seriously. Please stop suggesting it.

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