Emergency — The Hamptons Are Running Out Of Rosé

Hamptons Low On Rose

This summer has been more than particularly bleak in the news department. International terrorists threaten our very existence. Domestic, racial turmoil makes it hard to believe we’re in the twenty-first century. And of course, an Ebola outbreak. The Hamptons running out of rosé, though? Well that’s just the icing on the exquisitely painful, calorie-ridden, acerbic cake that has been summer ’14.

From Page Six:

…Red Stixs in Water Mill ran out of Whispering Angel weeks ago. Photographer-turned-vintner Ben Watts’ Spanish WattsUp Rosé is completely sold out at Montauk’s Surf Lodge, Navy Beach and Moby’s in East Hampton. Restaurant 75 Main completely sold its cache of Domaines Ott, but ordered an emergency “pallet” of VieVité.

Didn’t think it could happen? Well, it looks like hell hath repeated itself.

“In 2012, rosé was running so low by Labor Day, some stores limited customers to four bottles apiece.”

On the bright side, if you have this highly coveted liquid nectar in your possession, you can easily use it to curry favor with whoever is in need of a quick fix.

In an emergency situation, goods are valued over currency, so you’re effectively carrying your own “get out of jail free” card. Use it to upgrade from Morgan Stanley boyfriend to Goldman Sachs boyfriend, move from the corner seat to the ocean view at exclusive restaurants, or simply eradicate any of the former blackmail that has been haunting you ever since that fateful day at the polo match.

So when you’re packing for one last weekend getaway in Southampton or Montauk, make sure you include your Calypso silk maxi dresses, Lilly Pulitzer sheaths, Ralph Lauren monokinis, and several cases of your favorite pink demon that quiets all your fears before you drift into lavender-scented sleep (next to Pablo, your faithful pool boy).

Sweat dreams, Muffy.

[via Page Six]

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To quote Dr. Seuss, "Being crazy isn't enough." Writer living in NYC.

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