There are a few celebrity couples every generation that really define what we want love to be. For some, it was Brad and Angelina, who overcame obstacles (like other marriages) to be together and adopt half of the population. Then, there was Amal, who got old man George Clooney to settle down. Mila and Ashton. John Krasinski and Emily Blunt. Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio, someday. But then, on a whole different level, was Anna Faris and Chris Pratt.
Something about those two comedians together made our cold, broken hearts melt. For eight years they documented adorable moments, from their son, Jack being born and having glasses and being an all around angel human, to Chris’ amazing hot-guy transformation. We loved them, and most of us longed for a romance like theirs.
But now, we can all go fuck ourselves because Chris and Anna have announced their split.
Last night both Chris and Anna posted a painful PR message to social media, stating that their marriage is d-o-n-e. Almost.
Anna Faris posted the (almost) same exact message to her Instagram as well.
One difference I’d like to point out, is that in Anna’s she says “we still love each other,” whereas in Chris’ it says, “we still have love for each other.” Which is pretty GD brutal. So, naturally, no one in the entire fucking universe is adhering to their wishes. The announcement of their separation is currently trending, and everywhere you look, you see pictures of their smiling faces that most likely held the lies of their dying relationship for a long ass time. After eight years of marriage, it came as a shock for fans when they said that it wasn’t working last night. It was so shocking, in fact, that everyone feels the need to not only ignore the fact that they wanted to keep this quiet, but to comment on old pictures of the two of them together and beg them to reconsider.
Because nothing makes a separation easier like thousands of people commenting on old pictures of you and your SO together, and telling you that you’re making a mistake.
No one knows yet why, exactly, they’re calling it quits, but that’s not stopping everyone from guessing. Some people think that it’s because Chris got too big for Anna, and the fame went to his head. Others say he was just never home, and that no relationship can thrive that way. Finally, the worst yet, is that the rumors of Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt hooking up while working on the movie, “Passengers” together are true.
According to The Sun, that situation was pretty brutal for Anna, and she might not have gotten over it. Even though everyone denied the claims, something just didn’t sit right. Anna said that she always lowkey believed celebrity gossip, and when your husband is across the world with some hot, funny girl who could totally steal a man, how can you not freak out?
And so, in respect of Anna and Chris’ wishes to keep things cool and quiet, Twitter has blown up, and most of the fingers are being pointed at JLaw. Because that’s what they meant when they said they want to keep things private, right?
Looks like we might be in for a new Brad and Angelina situation after all. Sorry that you have to be Jennifer Aniston in this one, Anna. But just remember, when Chris’ (potential) new relationship with JLaw goes up in flames, we’re all going to be behind you. We’ve already picked sides, and we’re on yours. No one can take away your man. Unless for some reason Chris Pratt decides to date me, then everyone just be real cool..
Image via Jordan Strauss / AP