What is the first thing that you do when you get in your car? After turning it on, clipping your seatbelt, etc etc. You put on music that is going to be the soundtrack of your travels. You could just be going to the mall or driving cross country, either way, you need music. If you are alone, music can turn your car into a personal concert. There is something therapeutic about blasting music and singing along so loud that you get a little dizzy. Of course, friends can join as well, and suddenly you have a duet, trio, or quartet worth of a ticket to Hollywood. For the less musical, you could even chose a podcast or audible book. It’s nerdy, but whatever, at least it’s something. Driving in a silent car is like sitting in one of those sensory deprivation chambers, but some people do it. And those people can not be trusted.
Not only is playing music in your car fun, it is necessary. When your car is silent, there is only the road. You stare into the horizon as the trees whiz past you, hearing nothing but the tires beneath you and the ominous uncertainty of silence. You become acutely aware of your own thoughts. They become so loud that it’s as if someone is in the passenger’s seat with you. You begin to question the difference between reality and perception. You question if you are doing things by your own free will. You question if your destination is an end or a means to an end. Gravity starts to become an outlandish idea, and you can feel the atoms that you are made of vibrating ever so subtly. This is not something you should put yourself through, let alone force your passengers to endure. Loud music may deter conversation, but that can be simply fixed by turning it down, idiot.
If a person is willing to submerge themselves into the senseless experience of driving in a car without music, there is no telling what other sociopathic activities they could partake in. It could be minor, like sleeping on their back with their hands folded on their chest like a vampire, but it will only escalate from there. They attend city hall meetings to express their grievances about the neighborhood children. They wear jeans to the beach. They diet on vacation. They wear their hair down to the gym. They hand out toothbrushes on Halloween. They do things that make them a glaring social pariah, but they do nothing to change it.
Being comfortable with yourself is a good thing, but these people are a little too comfortable. It’s not the same as talking to yourself, but it’s pretty damn close. If you were sitting in silence and staring out the window, people would be concerned. But if your house started moving, suddenly everyone would be fine with it (except for the fact that the house is moving, but you get the point). Radios are installed in all cars for a reason: they are meant to be played when you drive. It’s practically in the drivers ed test.
“Mirrors, check. Seatbelt, check. Justin Bieber, check.”
Even the First Lady doesn’t like riding in the car in silence. And if you go against the FLOTUS, you’re pretty much against America.
So next time you get into someone’s car and they aren’t playing music, don’t try to turn it on. Just tuck and roll out the door. They can’t be trusted..