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Don’t Be An Asshole At Your First Wedding As An Adult

Attending A Sister's Wedding

Spring break is behind us and winter seems to have lost interest in making us miserable for the most part, which can only mean one thing: ringtime. To everyone else in the world, it’s springtime; to certain sorority girls, it’s “ringtime,” which is when monogamous fraternity guys hack into their trust funds and throw down for a two carat sparkler. After the requisite chapter ring pass, the saccharine proposal story (At his parents’ lake house! At sunset! With a unicorn!) and the diamond-themed Instagram pictures, interest in the rock typically wanes and focus on the actual wedding ramps up.

Regardless of where the blessed event is set to take place–country club, vineyard, garden, rooftop, castle–there are certain things that hold true about all weddings. There will be belligerent drunks, weepy family members, questionably dressed “family friends,” and booze-fueled dancing.

For a lot of girls, a sister’s wedding is the first one they will attend as an adult (I use that word loosely) so there’s usually some apprehension about expectations. Does my roommate count as a legitimate date? Do you get carded at weddings? What the crap does “dressy casual” mean? I’m here to tell you there’s really no reason to treat a sorority sister’s wedding any differently than a formal. You’ll dress up, you’ll snap 563 pictures for the sole purpose of uploading them to Facebook, and you’ll get drunk. Now, that being said, there are a few things I ought to clarify before you hit Rent the Runway in search of the perfect sexy-but-not-too-sexy dress.

Despite what Stifler, Finch, and all their buddies will have you believe, weddings are not giant orgies. I have never once attended a wedding where a bridesmaid did a mascara-smeared walk of shame across the hotel. That’s not to say single groomsmen and bridesmaids aren’t above getting it on in a bathroom between courses–I’m just saying it’s not the highlight of the event. If you catch the steamy best man undressing you with his eyes, by all means, indulge yourself if you’re into that kind of thing. Just keep it on the DL.

You might also be tempted to think that “open bar” translates to “drink all the liquor you possibly can.” Don’t. Seriously. As a victim of an open bar situation myself, I can tell you with absolute certainty how much you will regret it. And while we’re on the subject of alcohol, don’t sneak your own drinks into the reception. You’re better than that. Why would you even bother when the libations are flowing–for free, I might add–all over the place? Also, if you get caught taking swigs of Bubblegum Smirnoff in the corner, you’ll look exactly as stupid as you’ll feel. All that aside, though, get your drink on. You and your dance moves will appreciate the liquid courage.

Finally, where the dress code for formal is a little more flexible in terms of showing off the girls (or legs, or ass ,or whatever it is you’re especially proud of) the dress code at a wedding is a little trickier. Go too conservative and you’ll look like you wandered over from an Easter party, but lean too close to a bodycon and you’ll have the grandparents wondering how much you charged your schmuck of a date to escort him for the night. Just use that pretty little noggin of yours. I have faith in you.

Have fun, enjoy the champagne, and try to wake up in the right room.

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texas_betch

social media manager by day, grown up sorority girl by night.

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