It might be the last few weeks of summer, but I’m willing to bet you won’t find your slampiece tanning at the pool.
All the beautiful college girls will soon disappear from campuses nationwide. Where do we go, you ask? Why, fratdaddy, we’re all holed up in the srat mansions.
You’re probably wondering what in the world we’re doing that’s so important we aren’t at the pool, our favorite bars, and of course, with you. The answer might sound simple, but it’s much easier said than done. While you’re shotgunning Natty poolside, we’re running up and down stairs in heels, practicing “tours” of houses we know like the backs of our perfectly manicured hands. We get our kicks learning to feign interest in people we’ll know only for the course of five minutes, talking to paper plates and singing 140-year old songs.
Why do we do it? We’ve got one goal in mind, and it’s something you fratstars love all too well: freshman girls.
In the next few weeks, Spirit Week and Recruitment could make or break our year. We want THE hottest, most fabulous crop of freshman girls running to our lawn come Bid Day because that moment sets the tone for the house for long after we’re gone.
So for now, we’ll be inside perfecting the already perfect, the way the help attentively keeps on polishing mom’s already sparkling silver; you can never shine too bright. Let’s face it, our sterling reputation as beautiful, baking babes sounds much better than the GDI alternative, and we need to do our best to get the top-notch PNM’s on our lawn. Pulling in the cutest and sweetest freshman girls this rush has to offer will guarantee the good times continue…maybe even a few sandwiches are in you fratdaddies’ futures…and maybe some for your pledges too (if they drive us first, of course).
To all the sorority women reading, keep on keepin’ on! No matter what chapter you’re in, love it, love yourself and love your sisters. Refrain from snapping at your Recruitment Chair when the days get long- she’s trying her heart out to do what’s best for the chapter. Whatever you do, just don’t trip in those heels.
And finally, to all the fraternity men reading, we haven’t forgotten about you 😉 We’ll need you to pick us up for dinner or drinks after long Spirit Week days, and you know we’ll come to the parties you throw us and our new freshmen followers after Bid Day. Feel free to come check out our beautiful babies on the lawn…if you’re not dating one of us already.
P.S. Oh, to all the other sororities out there: We can’t wait to see your jealous scowls when the girls you wanted come running to our lawn, not yours. Let the games begin!