Day drinking is one of the best parts about nice weather. Wearing a new romper and drinking straight out of a bottle of André while music blasting and the wind is blowing in your hair is a dream-turned-reality. You could be at a tailgate, on a boat, or in a frat house backyard, as long as the sun is out and the drinks are cold, life is pretty freakin’ good. You drink all day, come home to a entire pizza, and pass out by 10 PM. It’s not a nap, it’s a hibernating bear, Sleeping Beauty, overdose on Nyquil, deepest sleep you’ve ever gotten in your life sleep. You wake up in the same position (and the same clothes) that you were in when you laid down, and you almost forget what year it is. That is why going out at night after a day of drinking is absolutely asinine.
The whole point of day drinking is getting as drunk as you possibly can during while the sun is still up. It’s a much longer event than going out at night, which means you can drink twice as much over almost twice the amount of time. Day drunk is a different feeling than night drunk. Besides the initial overwhelming wave of drunk that comes right after pounding shots as opposed to the gradual drunk of day drinking, your whole demeanor is different. Day drinking is for casually hanging out with your friends, while gracefully slipping into a blackout in which you call none of your exes, but instead you and your best friends share your favorite traits about each other. Night drinking, on the other hand, is reckless. Night drinking is for getting wasted in 15 minutes or less, hitting the bars, and hunting for prey. Trying to go from chill drunk to crazy drunk is unnatural and traumatic to the body. You’ve been running the marathon all day and there won’t be much left for you the sprint the last couple miles.
Even if you think you’ve mastered the transition from day drinking to going out, the result will still be tragic. Let’s say you make it home and you have enough energy after engorging yourself on whatever you see and you decide to go out, you have to get ready. Your day drink look would not transfer to nightwear. It’s hard enough to put an outfit together sober, but now that you are wasted, this task would be twice as difficult. Doing your hair and makeup would be not only impossible, but also dangerous. You run the risk of burning yourself severely or blinding yourself with a mascara wand. But if by some divine intervention, you make yourself look preventable for a night out, you are already lightyears ahead of everyone else. When you show up to a party where mostly everyone has spent the day relaxing, you will be the only one who is trying to take their clothes off before the keg even gets there. They will all be trying to catch up to you while you only drink more, thus digging your degenerately drunk grave deeper and deeper. At this point, you will reach a level of complete incoherence that you are no longer fun to be around. Full sentences are impossible to create and people will take bets on when they’ll need to call an ambulance for you. You will not only call your ex, but you will go show up to his house with your shoes in one hand and a dead squirrel you found on the street in the other because you “wanted to take care of it.” The next morning, you will feel like you have been brought back from the dead. The lethal amount of alcohol that you drank the night before would not have the time to run it’s course like it would if you had the whole night to sleep it off, which means you will be bedridden for at least the next 14 hours.
It seems like a fun time. Drink all day, party all night. That’s what you are told you are supposed to do in college. But unless you have a dialysis machine on standby, your liver won’t stand a chance. So when it comes to day drinking and going out, pick one or the other. You, your body, and your sense of self-respect will be glad you did..