I don’t pretend to like or even follow sports. I know there are girls out there in the world who actually enjoy the act of watching tiny men on a TV screen pummel each other for fun and are fully invested in the success of their favorite teams, but I am not one of them. I think sports are stupid and boring and long and the fact that my boyfriend often ignores me for long periods of time while he’s watching sports makes me hate them even more. I just didn’t understand the appeal, until recently.
Because we share an office with Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems, the TSM girls are literally always outnumbered. There are only four of us and about fifteen of them, so the TVs at the front of our desks are literally always on ESPN, but especially when there’s an important game on. You don’t see us taking over the TVs whenever there’s a Law and Order: SVU marathon on, but whatever. There was one particular day where I was so annoyed at them monopolizing the TV with their baseball or golf or something that I just came right out with it and asked, “What is it with sports that make guys love them so much?”
It was then that I got the answer I was looking for all my life.
“It’s the thrill of the game. The rollercoaster of emotions as time runs out and the excitement, or sadness, when your team wins/loses,” said Dave.
Emotions. That’s something I can relate to. I cry all the time, sometimes just because I feel like crying. And when I feel like crying, I put on The Notebook or Remember Me because I know by the end of it I’ll be bawling my eyes out. Just like boys are invested in whatever team they’re rooting for, watching a really sad movie or military homecoming video, I get invested in the emotions that literally pour out of me in the form of tears every time a little girl runs into the arms of the father she hasn’t seen in months.
That’s when it hit me. Emotions are our sports. Ridiculous, I know, but hear me out.
Guys bond over beer and wings at a sports bar, groaning and moaning along with whatever is happening on ESPN. Where do girls bond best? In a bar bathroom. Whenever you see a girl crying in a bar bathroom, everyone rushes over to help her and ask what happened and what the guy did (because it’s always a guy’s fault) and curse him out and tell her she deserves better, because she does.
It’s the same reason why girls love drama. Not when it’s happening to you of course, but it’s entertaining. It’s thrilling. All girls love drama at least a little bit, and if you don’t, exit out of this website because this is not the place for you. We love it because, again, the emotions. We want to feel the hatred towards Jack for telling Amy he’s not sure where things are going to go but that he likes her and doesn’t want things to change and then hearing about how he asked Amy’s sorority sister to formal. We get pissed at Jack and we comfort Amy and tell her that she’s going to find someone else and that she dodged a bullet because he was an asshole, anyway.
We love living vicariously through the drama of other people, not because we’re sick psychopaths (okay, maybe a little) but because we love experiencing the rush of emotions that comes with drama.
If emotions are our sports, I’ve definitely gone pro in crying. I was drafted into the league after my high school boyfriend and I broke up freshman year of college and after a pretty decent rookie season, I’ve been first string ever since. Crying is like an orgasm for your emotions, as Veronica likes to say, and I couldn’t agree more. It’s a complete release of everything you’ve been holding in. Stressed? Cry about it. Angry? Cry about it. Ridiculously happy because you needed a 91 on your final to pass Spanish and you got a 92? Cry about it. Nothing feels better than letting those emotions run down your face (and then looking in the mirror to discover that you’re a pretty crier).
I might not “get” sports, but I definitely understand the emotional appeal of sports now. The doesn’t mean I’m going to watch them, of course. I’ll just cry in a corner until my boyfriend feels bad for me and puts it back on HGTV’s Fixer Upper. .