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Cremated Bodies Can Now Be Turned Into Diamonds

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If you’re unhappy with the rock he gave you, upgrade — get your revenge and turn him into a diamond at the same time. While the premise might sound like a Carrie Underwood song or the next episode of Law and Order: SVU, it’s real.

Is your mom always on your back? One day she might be around your neck, eternally. Swiss company Algordanza takes cremated bodies and compresses them into diamonds. Rinaldo Willy, the company’s founder and CEO, says his customer base has expanded to 24 countries, proving that diamond’s are a girl’s best friend worldwide (although about 25% of customers are from Japan).

Each year, between 800 and 900 people enter the facility. About three months later, they leave as diamonds. It may be morbid, but it’s better than the alternative. Why be six feet underground when you could continue to shine? You were born to sparkle, and turning your dead body into diamonds ensures you’re sparkling until the end of time.

Most orders come from relatives of the deceased, although some make arrangements for themselves. While competetive heirs might put post-it notes on potential jewelry, the best jewels appears after the funeral. The experience comes in between $5,000 and $22,000. While that might seem pricey, it makes sense, because diamonds (and death) are forever.

The process reduces cremated bodies to carbon, then a machine applies intense pressure. Everyone knows that diamonds (much like you), (per)form best under pressure — at least according to Pinterest quotes. The process lasts for weeks, which is a few hundred million years faster than it takes nature.

Unlike dieting, when it comes to diamonds, bigger is better. About a pound of ashes makes a single diamond. Yet another fabulous excuse to carbo-load and drink to your heart’s content– the larger you are, the bigger your diamonds will be. The company has made up to nine diamonds out of one person. Unfortunately, when it comes to securing a diamond ring of your own, the same doesn’t always hold true.

In a creepy American Horror Story twist, if the diamond is blue, it’s usually because the deceased had blue eyes. Be careful who you immortalize in diamonds– they might be watching you. In reality, most of the stones come out blue, because the human body contains trace amounts of boron. Sometimes the diamonds appear white, yellow or close to black (like their souls?), and the creator’s not sure why. Like snowflakes or pikachus, he says, “every diamond from each person is slightly different. It’s always a unique diamond.”

Ashes to ashes, dust to diamonds. This could be perfection for perpetual cat ladies. Can’t find someone to put a ring on it? Make yourself into a ring, instead. Why go to Tiffany when you can just visit the funeral home instead? Sure, it’s not as romantic, but who needs a little blue box when you could have a teeny tiny diamond coffin?

[via NPR]

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Fleur de Lilly

Fleur de Lilly (@margaretabrams) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move and Post Grad Problems. When she's not corrupting her big's baby, she can be found decoding texts, gravitating towards raised surfaces, and spending time with her gentleman caller, Jack Daniels. She loves Lilly, Louisiana, and her lineage.

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