Because THAT’S exactly what the sex tape star needs, a cocaine addicted fuck buddy.
We all knew Farrah Abraham had some pretty obvious daddy issues, but I didn’t realize how bad they were until TMZ leaked some text messages between her and Charlie Sheen. The two discuss meeting up and hanging out. Farrah did all of this under the guise of suggesting a “play date” between her little teenage mistake, Sophia, and Charlie’s twin boys…who he currently doesn’t have custody of, so good going there.
Farrah suggested the Anger Management star and she meet up for coffee, to which Mr. Tiger Blood himself responded, “coffee is for amateurs and grandma…” which is a fucking lie, because give me Starbucks or give me “not getting out of fucking bed.”
Anyway, the two haven’t officially met up yet, but I’m absolutely positive that when they do the universe will explode. Charlie Sheen, as admirable and epic as his substance abuse may be, is quite possibly the most deplorable human being in the world, second only to Farrah “I Hired a Porn Star to Fuck Me on Camera Instead of Hiring Someone to Teach Me How to Be a Parent” Abraham. I’m pretty sure the minute Sheen penetrates any orifice of Farrah’s, the world will explode because there’s no way someone can become worse by injection. I know Sheen has Tiger Blood, but I don’t know if he’s ready for the STDs Abraham has. Wait, who the fuck am I kidding? This is the guy that paid porn stars to travel with him, I’m sure his dick is an AIDS wand.
I just don’t understand how it’s possible Sheen bypassed Lohan and went straight for a former MTV reality star. Has he really gone that far passed rock bottom? Is his life that tragic that hanging out with Farrah “I Extend the Last Letter of Every Word I Say To Make it Sound Like I’m From The Valley When I’m Really From Some Ambiguous Part of the Country Where People Fuck in Cornfields” Abraham seems like a viable option?
What if they have a baby? Is it possible for a child to be born addicted to more drugs than Whitney Houston’s daughter was? Is it possible for DCF to take a child away while it’s still in the womb? Could a fetus just decide to abort itself, or do children only get that notion once they realize how horrible their parents are? So many questions here.
Either way, I really hope she doesn’t try to spawn this into some reality show, because I think the only thing worse than watching Farrah “DIY Sex Tape Extraordinaire” Abraham try to date Charlie Sheen would be watching a Game of Thrones marathon.
Image via Associated Press