One of my greatest dreams in life is to have a verified Twitter. Now, I have a new goal–get a verified Tinder. I’ve seen some things during my time on Tinder. It’s like ‘Nam, but with more nudity: from butts, to full peen, to faux celebrities. Let’s be honest, if some girl gets catfished by a gentleman caller who only has pictures of Ryan Gosling shirtless, she deserves it.
Tinder says its famous users include Ashton Kutcher (hard pass on a cougar’s sloppy seconds, plus Jackie and Kelso forever), LiLo (let’s be honest, girlfriend’s probably just looking for new dealers), and Josh Groban (meh). This sounds fishy to me–much like the multitudes of dead fish you find in any southern man’s Tinder profile. I simply assume anyone who’s famous enough to need a verified Tinder doesn’t actually need a verified Tinder.
Unfortunately, despite their famous faces, everybody’s swiping left because “Catfish” has left us wary, especially after that episode where the girl thought she was dating Bow Wow, but was really sexting a lady. There are enough creepy creepsters on Tinder to put you off swiping right forever, which is why everyone ignores the celebrities. Because most of them use fake names on Facebook, it makes it even more suspicious. This is what the verification process is trying to conquer.
While I’d obviously love to find love in a hopeless place with a celebrity on Tinder, it isn’t exactly a “meet-cute.” I do know a newly engaged couple who met on the app. (They took their engagement photos in matching neon Lacoste shirts. Their dog had one, too.) Sure, Tinder’s not bad for a time-kill in class, and I would love the opportunity to prove to Adam Levine that I’m the one for him, but unfortunately, I feel like the only Tinder celebrity accounts will belong to serious D-listers. I really want to hook up with a cast member of “Party Down South” though, so maybe the verification process can make my reality stardom dreams come true. Until then, I feel confident swiping left on the crazy catfish of the world.
[via Tech Crunch]
Image via The Date Report