Can You Dick Around At Your Summer Internship: A Chart


Ah yes, the old summer internship. Those suck, always. You’re either worked to death like the dorks over at Goldman Sachs, or you’re just the office bitch at a place where they absolutely don’t need an intern but give you meaningless shit to do anyway. I’ve had several of the latter, at places with good names where I didn’t really learn or do anything, but they look damn good on my resume. I survived the sheer boredom of them all by finding the best ways to waste pass the time. Refer to the flowchart below to see if you’ll be able to get away with doing literally nothing all summer.


If you’re one of the lucky ones able to dick around for any amount of the time served worked at your internship, make sure at some point you get your work done. If it takes you days to complete a single task, that’s fine, as long as you can give a legit answer if someone asks what you’re “working on”.

Another favorite activity of mine is seeing how far I can push my lunch break. If they don’t specify, start big out of the gate by taking an hour. If no one says anything about it, gradually extend it by five minutes every day. For reference, my intern task once was to reorganize their “library” by my own arbitrary standards, which took me three weeks, all while taking two-hour lunch breaks. One time I just didn’t come back after lunch and no one noticed or said anything. Perks of being the bitch intern.

All of this is irrelevant if you’re an unpaid bitch intern, the worst kind of bitch intern. You could literally do anything and they probably won’t care because you’re just taking up space and doing their chores and not even earning a dime.

Survive the summer boredom, maintain your sanity, and don’t piss anyone off so much that you can’t get the only thing that you intend to get out of this hell: a rec.

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PlattyBlonde is a senior who divides her time responsibly between cheap alcohol, bad boys, and worrying about her hair.

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