BREAKING: You Can Now Major In Wine

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That’s right. You can major in making wine. This has to be every girl’s dream her first few years of college, or at least until that first major wine hangover hits like a truck full of bricks. Let’s be honest, though. You’re interested because Cal Poly offers the ability to major in making the thing that you have consistently used to get ready for socials since your freshman year.

Current students in the program have a small issue though–it’s taking them five years to graduate because of that pesky thing called the “drinking age.” I didn’t even know there was one. I just assumed it was normal to sneak, bribe, and lie my way into bars until I turned 21 using an ID that a blind man could tell was fake. In any case, the drinking age is, once again, ruining everyone’s fun, mostly because it pushes three required classes back until after you turn 21. This obviously makes it difficult for students to finish out the major without taking an extra year. An extra year? In college? Studying wine? Surely this is a fate worse than death for people who love wine enough to major in it. I mean, who would want to stay an extra year and study booze? Wait. Never mind. That’s basically what I did. Carry on, ladies and gentlemen of the Cal Poly viticulture program.

Some students in the program aren’t cool with taking the victory lap, so they are advocating a “sip and spit” bill. Hopefully, this is not the attitude they take toward life in general, lest tons of sexually disappointed gentlemen be left in their wake. The bill would allow students who aren’t yet 21 to drink for the purposes of the classes they’re taking, specifically the tasting and identification classes. This would allow the 350 students in the program to finish on time with their viticulture degrees and go off to presumably make us all feel bad about not choosing to study and work with alcohol professionally.

This just goes to show that if your current major is not really panning out, you could always move to California and study wine. Having spent the better part of five years “studying” whiskey, I can say it’s a choice you won’t regret. After all, if you’re reading this, you’re probably a self-educated wine expert anyway.

[via The Tribune]

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Primarily a TFM and PGP guy. I do science for a living, but being funny on the internet is my passion. Sometimes I write for TSM to help further cement the core arguments for why I'm not boyfriend material. Snapchat: Jqwhiskeyginger

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